


Reborn

by popchoc



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV), The 100 (TV), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon, And yes most likely some adult cuddling too ;-), Angst, Conflict, Crossover, F/F, Fanart, Friendship, Inspired by Fanart, More characters and (in)famous ships I won't tag because of spoilers, Plot Twists, Probably too much fluff for a zombie apocalypse, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2019-10-23 08:51:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 42,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17680301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popchoc/pseuds/popchoc
Summary: A new planet brings new enemies, but help is just around the corner. "I told you I'll always be with you."A The 100/FTWD/TWD crossover, following two long lost lovers, together with their friends (and foes?).





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> _When some fanart on tumblr turns into a joke and a joke turns into a quick scribble, a small attempt to show how these two worlds could actually collide..._
> 
> _Story is canon up to FTWD 4x16 - though a few years have passed - and The 100 5x13. (In other words: S5 of FTWD and S6 of The 100 never happened!)_
> 
> _English is not my first language, I apologize for any spelling errors._

****

 

**R-E-B-O-R-N**

I'm not just born.

Sure, I've found my way to this world, like everyone else. I have a mom, and a dad. I even have a brother. Or had - I should say. I've had a childhood, although for some reason I have no  _real_  recollection of it.

I do remember the world around me changing, though. Quickly, and not for the good. I lost people because of it. Way too many people. All of my people, eventually. I made it through, but I still have to fight to survive. Constantly, and till this very day. Fighting to survive, that's my new life. But it doesn't feel new. It feels strangely familiar.

Why? I have no clue. I've never been able to figure it out. Not until today, until this moment. The moment that the sky opens up in front of me…

Hidden between the trees, together with my tribe, I watch how the foreign object comes closer and closer towards us till it hits the ground, almost gently, telling me there is nothing this pilot can't handle.

"Pilot?" the others cry out, bewildered. "That's no plane, is it?!" "What is this thing?" "Who's in there?" "Why d…"

I don't share their questions, nor their panic. Because I know what I'm watching. I've seen it before.

Strangers arriving from outer space. Invading my woods.  _My_  woods? Yes, I'm suddenly sure about that. There have been woods before and it had been up to me to protect them. And just like now I hadn't been fighting alone.

But…

I look at my friends. No, they hadn't been with me. And neither had my family. Madison. Trevor. Nick. They're not part of this… dream?

I look at the spaceship again. The spaceship that doesn't fit the scenery. That doesn't belong here. But that brings me back to a place I once knew so well. How could that be? I don't understand. Yet the longer I watch, the less doubt I have. I haven't just pictured this. I experienced it. This other, yet very real life.

It wasn't a dream. It's a memory.

A very blurry memory, that is. Which is why I can't see it. I can't see who's been with me. But I know: I have been fighting before - although with the living instead of the dead. And not just with one, or two, or… no, entire armies I defeated. Defeated  _and_  commanded.

No wonder I can kick everyone's ass!

A loud hissing sound breaks the silence that has fallen over the woods, bringing me back to the present. I move my eyes to the heavy door that is now slowly opening, like a drawbridge.

"Can't be Walkers, right?" Morgan quietly speaks up. "That thing just crushed the entire herd!"

I shake my head. "Stedaunon don gon we," I mumble.

He turns his head to look at me, his eyes questioning. "Say what?"

"The dead are gone," I repeat myself, vaguely aware that I was speaking in a different tongue, and with my gaze still stuck on that door. As soon as it hits the ground two bearded men, a teenager and a girl with face tattoos step outside - heavily armed, prepared for any danger. Unless they  _are_  the danger?

"The living are hungr-" I continue, but my voice stops mid-sentence as soon as my eye catches the blonde that follows them. She lifts her hand to protect her eyes from the bright light, covering her face for the lurking audience, but those first two seconds were enough for me.

Gasping for air, I freeze.

"Clarke," I whisper, subconsciously grabbing Strand's arm in the sudden need to hold on to something - anything.

He looks down on me and raises an eyebrow. "Are these your relatives?"

I look back at him. "What? No, I'm not talking about… I'm not even sure if… " I swallow, trying to wrap my head around this. "…if that's my name."

Now Strand is the one who's confused. "It's not? Then what is?!" he frowns.

"I- I don't know," I stammer, my eyes already drawn back to the scene in front of me. By now the small group has spread out. They've lowered their weapons, probably assuming it's safe enough. The girl is standing there by herself, her face turned towards the sky.

"But I know  _her_ ," I murmur, more to myself this time.

As soon as the words are out I know that's an understatement. I don't just know this girl. I know everything about her.

Her story. Her mission. Her strengths and her weaknesses. Her pain, her joy, her losses and her victories. I know her voice. Her smell. I even know her heartbeat.

Still unable to move I keep gazing at her. At this girl, bathing in the warm, afternoon sunlight, with the softest smile on her lips.

Those lips! How could I ever forget about those lips!? I've stared at those lips - so, so many times. Secretly. Thirsty. I watched them when we talked strategies. I watched how they turned into a smile, just like they do now, but also how they'd set in a hard line after I… after I betrayed her.

I've seen them quiver. I've seen her wet them with the tip of her tongue, mindlessly. I've seen her biting the bottom one, trying to stop it from trembling.

And I've sensed them on my own. I've kissed them. Tasted them. Felt them all over my body. Softly, when they traced the lines of my tattoos, and more firmly when she'd reached her destination.

I've witnessed up close how she clenched her eyes, right before my name rolled off those lips.

_"Lexa…"_

I remember her, everything about her, and because of that I finally remember myself.

I am Lexa kom Trikru. Heda of the Thirteen Clans. Heir to Bekka Pramheda.

I'm not just born. I am reborn.

I have lived and died and yet survived - somehow, in this… this void, for God knows how many years. I have a past. A past that matters. That deserves a second chance. And that's why after all these horrific years, in which I lost everything, including hope, I suddenly know, more than anything, that I have a future after all.

My future is right there…

… getting captured by a Whisperer!

Shit! Where did he come from?!

Unable to move, or even to breathe, I watch how Clarke is attacked from behind, disarmed and thrown over that monster's shoulder. Three more Whisperers show up, carrying guns and knives, forcing Clarke's friends to hide in their ship - saving themselves instead of her. I get it. I do. They don't stand a chance. No one fights the Whisperers.

No one but me, that is.

I deeply exhale, draw my gun and start to move.

"Alicia, stop!"

I look over my shoulder.

"Don't follow them!" Lucy begs. "You can't keep risking your life for just anyone."

I show my friend a weak smile. "She's not just anyone…"

And then I run. Faster than I have ever ran. Zigzagging between the trees, following the Whisperers into a darker, more grim part of the forest. They are strong and fast and they seem to know their way around here. But I'm trained for this - even if it's a hundred years ago!

So I don't give up. I keep hunting them till they reach an old shack. That's when I stop. To catch my breath and to estimate the situation. There are two men outside, guarding the place. The other two went in, with Clarke. I can only hope that there's no one else inside.

I have to be quick since I have to rely on the act of surprise. I can't miss a single shot. Good thing I wasn't just trained by Anya… I learned a thing or two from Jake as well!

I load my gun, step from my hiding place and shoot twice - hitting both men straight in the head before they even see me. However, two loud, long-distance shots mean I have to run. I cross the open field between the trees and the shack in just a few seconds. Right when I get there the door opens. Without giving it a second thought I point my gun at the massive man in front of me. He doesn't seem impressed though.

"Let her go!" I command.

He gives me a once-over, head to toe, and shows me a crooked smile. "Or what?"

I answer him by shooting a bullet right between his eyes.

The fourth man, who's holding a big knife against Clarke's throat, turns towards me - dragging Clarke along.

"Let! Her! Go!" I repeat myself, my voice surprisingly steady.

The man seems in doubt. We are both armed, but I'm like half his size. I might not be a threat. I nod my head and he moves his eyes from my pointed gun to his friend's face - or what's left of it. Slowly he lets go of his grip.

Clarke tumbles forward, on to her knees, then quickly sits up. Our eyes meet - finally. She's gagged, but even if she could say anything she's clearly lost for words. I can see it in her eyes: could this really be…?

I step closer and kneel down in front of her. I gently rest my hand against her cheek. A sigh of relief escapes me when I feel her lean into my touch. My heart swells and I can feel how my lips curve into a smile, despite the current danger.

"Hey there," I whisper. "I told you I'll always be with you."

... ...


	2. Clarke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _The first one-shot by me that won't turn into anything more has yet to be written. Anyway, hope you guys like this second part..._

This can't be real. This can't be possible. There's  _no way_ she can be here.

But she is.

Hardly two feet away from me, kneeling down to the ground, gently caressing my face. She looks different; not so much in her features, but in her manners. Less warrior, and not just because of the lack of warpaint. I recognize the affection in her eyes though. The affection as well as the pain.

She looks different and yet exactly the same. So all I can do is gaze at her. Watch how the corner of her mouth gradually quirks up.

"I told you I'll always be with you," she smiles.

Speechless, I swallow and slowly nod. She did tell me - again and again actually, since her very last words to me have echoed in my head from the moment they were out. Hearing them again reassures me, tells me it really must be her, but my tensed body doesn't get the chance to relax. Before I can even blink she raises her other hand. The hand with the gun.

Oh God, I was wrong. It's not real. It's a trap!

The deafening bang makes me flinch and I instinctively protect my head with my arms.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" she cries out, cautiously scooching closer again. "I'm not gonna hurt you. I would never- I  _could_  never hurt you. But he was about to!"

When I slowly lower my arms and look up she nods to something behind me. I turn my head to look over my shoulder and watch the man who captured me lying on the ground, now only three feet away from me.

He's dead.

"I'm sorry I scared you," she apologizes once more.

I turn to face her again. She's not smiling anymore. She just stares at me - worried. I can't help but stare back at her. My mouth feels dry and my heart is pounding out of my chest. It's not all fear though.

With our eyes still locked she carefully removes the gag from my mouth. Once freed from the dirty rag I gasp for air.

"Lexa?" I breathe, finally able to form words again. Or well, one word. The only word that matters.

She gives me a half grin and nods.

I reach out and lightly touch her cheek with the tip of my fingers. When I realize my hand isn't disappearing in some hologram - or worse: a wormhole - I add a little pressure and follow the contour of her jawline. My eyes never leave hers.

"B- But how...?"

Lexa shrugs, shaking her head. "I don't know. I really don't." She sits up straight and glances over her shoulder. "I know we can't stay here, though. The noise of the gun will draw more of them. Probably a herd too."

"A herd?" I frown as she gets up.

"Walkers," she clarifies, like that tells me anything. "Come here, let me untie you."

But I can't move. I'm completely overwhelmed. The arriving at this new, insane planet. The frightening abduction that followed. This unexpected, mindblowing reunion. For the first time in my life I feel like I lost all control. So I just sit here, on this dirty ground, as Lexa kneels down again to release me from the ropes around my wrists.

When she stands to her feet she extends her hand. The soft smile returns to her face. "You trust me?"

I swallow again, force my body to wake up, and accept her hand. "With my life," I whisper.

"Good," she grins as she pulls me up, "Then come with me."

Without letting go of me she turns around and leads me outside. It's getting dark already. We quickly cross the open space in front of the shed to find shelter in the woods. Once between the trees Lexa starts walking towards what I believe is east.

"Wait! I think we came from the other side," I stop her. Pointing at the twilight sky I continue, "The sun was right behind me when I got here. See that glow over there? It must have set just a few minutes ago. And there's Orion, so we only have to st-"

I abruptly shut my mouth when I see Lexa's lips twist into an amused grin. "Klark kom Skaikru," she laughs, "The Girl From The Sky. It's really you, isn't it?"

"Am I wrong?" I frown.

She shakes her head. "No, you're right. But we can't go there now. It was quite the run up to here, it will be pitch black before we get all the way back - let alone find it. It's far too dangerous."

"But I need to get back!" I tell her. I can hear the desperation in my own voice. "My people, they'll be worried!"

Lexa takes a step forward and lightly rests her hands on my shoulders. "I'm sorry," she says with a soft voice, and I believe her. "My camp is close-by, we can reach it if we hurry. I promise I'll bring you to your ship first thing in the morning, if... if you want me to."

I nod. I don't know if I want to - I don't really know anything right now - but I know I need to.

She nods as well, then averts her eyes. As she fumbles with the shoulder strap of my coat I notice her smile is gone. I want to say something - anything - to make her smile again, but I'm lost for words. Besides the moment passes quickly.

She clears her throat and turns around again. "Come on!" she calls over her shoulder.

I follow her. She was right, it's not that far from her camp and we make it there right before the darkness covers us.

There's an armored truck. It reminds me of the rover, only way bigger. Around it, in a half moon shape, are a few tents. Between the truck and the tents are a bunch of people sitting around a fire. I hesitate.

Lexa, noticing I'm suddenly staying behind, turns towards me. "It's okay," she smiles reassuring, "They are my people."

I narrow my eyes. "Trikru?" I question, drawing another laugh from her.

"There's no Trikru here," she giggles. "There are no clans. Or maybe in a way there are, but..." She stops talking and shakes her head. "But these folks, they are just... just people. Good people!" she quickly adds.

For the second time today she offers me her hand. Together we make our way to her people - her apparently good people. 

They jump to their feet as soon as they spot her.

"Alicia!" they all cry out in one voice.

Lexa quickly glances at me. "That's me," she explains beneath her breath, "Just go with it!"

Before I can respond we're surrounded by men and women asking questions. I can tell they're relieved to see her again and it warms my heart to know that she's found people who care about her. I notice she doesn't really answer them though. Instead she shushes them, though with a warm smile.

"Guys, I'm alright. Nothing to worry about!" she reassures them, before pulling me a little closer before I can stop her. "This is Clarke. My- My friend."

Not giving the small crowd the chance to question me she faces me, raising her eyebrows. "You're hungry?"

"Not really," I answer. "Actually, I'm... I'm kind of tired."

She nods understandingly, then moves her eyes to the young girl standing a few feet away from her. "Charlie, you sleep in the van tonight," she dictates her. It's one of those moments that a hint of the Commander shines through. A hint of Heda.

"Who's on watch?" Lexa - or Alicia?! - continues in the meantime.

A man steps forward. "Al and I are on first, Morgan and Sarah on second. You can rest tonight."

She thanks him with a grateful smile, then turns to me again. "This way," she bobs her head in the direction of one of the tents. She picks up a burning oil lamp and leads the way, and just like before I follow her without further questions.

The tent is small, yet big enough to stand up straight. It's almost empty, except for two mattresses, one on each site, and some junk. I guess they travel light.

"No thrown?" I can't help but joke.

Lexa shows me a weak smile. "I'm sorry I can't offer you much more," she shrugs apologetically. "You can take whichever bed you want."

"Thank you," I mirror her smile, but for some reason I don't move. I feel like something has shifted in the air. Even though being around her again feels incredibly familiar I'm also highly aware that it's been a very,  _very_  long time. I hate it, but I'm afraid we're not the same people anymore. We can't just pretend like all those years in between didn't happen.

As I'm standing there, lingering and uncomfortably scuffing my foot through the dirt, Lexa seems to share my quandary. Looking somewhat shy herself all of a sudden she coughs and turns around, giving me my privacy - I think.

I'm not going to strip down though. Not because of her, but because this seems to be a place that needs you to be ready at any given moment. So instead I only kick off my shoes and drop my heavy coat to the floor, followed by my henley. Keeping my pants and tank top on, I randomly pick a mattress and crawl under the stiff blanket. The smell on the pillow tells me it's Lexa's.

The sound of the shifting bedding makes her turn around again. Seemingly without giving it a second thought she drops herself down on the other bed. She lays down on top of the blanket, fully clothed as if she doesn't intent to actually sleep, but stretches her arm to turn off the lamp anyway. Maybe I was wrong, maybe this is how she sleeps? Maybe the night gown days are over?

With the small fire burning outside as the only source of light it's hard to really see anything - to really see her. Lying in the dark like this, we stay quiet for a while.

"So, who's Alicia?" I eventually break the silence that's driving me crazy.

l can hear her move on the bed a little. Did I make her uncomfortable? "I am," she answers. "I mean, it's not just another name. It's another life I lived -  _live_ ," she corrects herself. "I don't understand it myself, but I know I'm as much Alicia as I'm Lexa."

I think I'm starting to see it. I mean, I don't _get_ it - the 'how' of this all, but I think I'm getting the picture. She started over - somehow. This isn't her first day here. She's raised here, she has a history, besides her history with... well, me, among others. And she's right not to ignore that.

I roll to my side and watch her, even though I can't see much more than the shape of her body. It's enough to make me smile. "Well, I can't wait to get to know her," I calmly tell her, and I swear I can hear her exhale in relief.

For a moment we stay quiet again, until I remember something else. "Those Walkers you were speaking of... What are they?"

"They are... They are kind of like Reapers," Lexa starts to explain, "Humans turned into primal monsters without a mind of their own. Only in contrast to the Reapers you can't bring them back. 'Cause they're dead."

I swallow. "That sounds horrible. Are they your biggest enemy?"

"I really wish I could say yes to that," she sighs.

I have so many more questions, especially since I still have no idea where I actually am, but I feel like I shouldn't ask them. At least not right now.

"So you remember the Reapers?" I quietly ask instead.

Lexa turns to her side as well, facing me. "I do. I remember everything. But-"

"But what?"

She takes a deep breath. "But I didn't till today. It wasn't until I saw you that it all came back to me. I'm really sorry, Clarke," she continues in a small voice, "I'm afraid I forgot about you."

She feels bad. I can tell. I don't want her to feel bad.

"I bet you didn't," I tell her, my own voice surprisingly steady. "You just didn't know yet how to connect the dots. It's a lot. Heck, I still don't understand half of it. But I'm sure the dots were always there."

"Hm," Lexa just hums.

Of course I have no clue what I'm talking about. Maybe it's my own wishful thinking, the need to believe that our past wasn't completely erased for so many years. Her silence makes me nervous, but just when I'm about to apologize - like, what the hell do I know about her situation? - she speaks up again.

 _"Now that she's back in the atmosphere, with drops of Jupiter in her hair..."_  she mumbles.

I frown. "I'm sorry?" 

"It's the first line of my favorite song. Like my  _ultimate_  favorite. I never really got what made this song this great to me, why I loved the space metaphor that much," she explains, quietly adding, "Perhaps it was a dot?"

I can't suppress another smile. I'll definitely take it.

Naturally she doesn't notice, since it's so damn dark in here. Instead of waiting for my reply she starts to sing - softly and in that specific way when one seems to be elsewhere for a moment, without anyone listening to them.

_"Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star, one without a permanent scar, and did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?"_

My smile fades away.

"Every day," I whisper.

"What?" she asks, a hint of confusion in her voice.

Fighting with a sudden lump in my throat, I repeat myself. "I missed you every day."

Lexa rolls onto her back again. "I hate that. I hate to know you were in pain, that I wasn't there for you-"

"Hey, you're here now," I interrupt her.

She grumbles. "How's that helping anything?"

"Oh, it's helping!" I set her straight. Unable to bear it any longer I take the blanket off me and cross the three feet to the other side of the tent. "It's helping a  _lot_ ," I sigh as I lay down next to her.

She turns her head to look at me. Her breath caresses my cheek. "How- How long has it been?" she asks with some hesitance.

The sound of her voice makes me wonder if she really wants to know. I swallow again.

"Over a hundred years. Hundred and thirty, to be more precise."

Her muteness reflects my own overpowering feelings.

"I used to count the days," I quietly go on. "One hundred. One thousand. Two thousand... Until it became too many. I tried, I really did, but it was like counting the stars on a bright night: impossible."

She doesn't say anything. Instead she moves her hand that's lying close next to mine and laces our fingers - cautiously, like I might withdraw at any moment. But I don't. Of course I don't. There's nothing like the feeling of her skin against mine again. Nonetheless a sudden giggle escapes me.

"Also I was asleep most of the time," I chuckle.

"There's so much you need to tell me," she sighs. "But not right now. You should get some sleep."

Instinctively I roll to my side to rest my head on her chest, right when she lifts her arm to welcome me as if she was waiting for it. "You stay with me?" I mumble as I find warmth and safety in her embrace.

She rakes her fingers through my hair, tenderly. "Of course," she whispers, "I'm not going anywhere."

... ...


	3. Lexa | Alicia

"You might wanna change your Grounder memento for something more comfortable," I suggest while I watch Clarke maneuver herself into her sturdy coat. She turns around, a smile lighting up her face when she realizes I had my eyes on her. "The summer sun will make you die in there," I smirk.

"Great idea! Did you happen to see a shop around here?" she winks, "Or a trading post maybe?"

I snort and shake my head. Pulling my backpack towards me I take out one of my own jackets and hand it to her. "Here, take this one."

She accepts the light garment with a smile and tries it on.

"It fits," she cheers, spinning around on her feet. She looks stunning, and hot, and she makes my heart go crazy.

"Perfect," I smile, "You look-" I fall quiet, realizing I'm only making things harder. "...perfect," I repeat myself, mumbling beneath my breath.

I leave the tent before she can respond. There's no need to postpone this any longer.

Clarke follows me outside. Trying to catch up, she pulls my sleeve. "Wait? You're not taking any of your stuff?"

As I turn around to face her I notice the confusion in her eyes. "No, why should I?"

"I don't know, because you might need them?" she shrugs. "You're... You're coming with me, right?"

I blankly stare at her, and she gazes back at me in anticipation. For a moment everything around me seems to turn still.

"N- No," I stammer. "I'm just bringing you back. I won't stay there. I- I can't stay there."

Clarke closes the distance between us and takes my hands into her own. "But you can't leave me. Not again. Please!" she begs.

I take a deep breath, but before I can say anything someone clears their throat behind me, drawing my attention away from Clarke's pleading eyes. I look over my shoulder. It's Al.

And John. And June. And Wendell. And Strand.

It's an audience.

"You can use my truck," Al smiles, suggestively raising her eyebrow, "You know, if you guys want some privacy?"

I look at her, then at Clarke, then at the small group around us, before I return my gaze to Al and show her a small yet grateful smile.

"Yeah, okay."

Grabbing Clarke by the hand I bluntly drag her with me, up and into the SWAT truck. "Get out," I tell Charlie, who's still in there. Once we're alone again I turn towards Clarke.

"I'm sorry, I just assumed-"

"No, _I_ assumed," she cuts me off, "I assumed you would want to be with our people. That you would want to be with me."

I throw my hands in the air. "I  _do_  want to be with you. But those people, they are not my people anymore. And I am not their Heda anymore. Yet we both know they won't see it like that. They will expect things from me that I can not offer."

"But why not? If anyone can lead us in this new place it's you!" There's desperation in her voice. I'm afraid I sound just the same though.

"Because I don't want to!" I cry out. "Being a Commander, it's been such a burden. I realize that now more than ever. Now that I can actually  _choose_." Slowly exhaling, I gently lay my hand on her upper arm. "This is my life now. And even though things turned to hell I am free. I'm free! And I'm not trading my freedom for anything."

Clarke swallows and lowers her head.

"You can stay with me, though?" I quietly, almost cautiously suggest. "We could be free together?"

She shakes her head without looking at me. "I can't," she sighs. "It's not just my people..." She looks up at me through her eyelashes. "It's my kid."

"You have a kid!?" I exclaim, unintentionally provoking a laugh from her.

"Kind of, yeah," she grins. "Hey, a lot can happen in a hundred and thirty years."

Unwillingly, a soft chuckle escapes me and for a second the air feels less heavy.

"Okay, well, you both come with me then? We won't be traveling much longer. We're actually on our way to a community not that far from here, since we can all really use a break. We're not in yet, but two more shouldn't make a difference to get asylum or not." I look at her expectantly, unable to hide the hope in my eyes.

"She'll never come with us," Clarke murmurs, rubbing her temples.

I frown. "Can't you just tell her? I'm no expert here, but isn't that part of your job as her... as her mother?"

"Ha, you've clearly never met her," she scoffs. "First of all, remember who raised her. Secondly, she's a Nightblood. She's born headstrong! And last but not least..."

She doesn't finish. Instead, she drops herself onto a crate, her back partly towards me.

"What?" I cry out. Seriously, what could be more shocking than the Nightblood-thing?

Clarke heaves a heavy sigh. "She's the Commander," she continues. "Madi has the Flame. She became Heda, shortly before we went back into space."

Okay, I did not see this coming. Speechless I just stare at her. Clarke goes on.

"So she will want to stay, I'm pretty sure of that. She feels very responsible. And I need to be at her side."

She doesn't move. She just sits there, with her eyes fixed on nothing. I squat down next to her.

"Hey, I get it. She's your kid! I would never ask you to choose. Never!"

"I know," she nods. "It does feel like a choice though. Even more than... even more than before."

There's nothing left of the bliss I felt last night. Seeing her this upset I truly believe that I'd rather never had seen her again, than to make her go through this.

"I wish I hadn't come after you," I confess, "I only made things complicated."

She finally looks at me again, her eyes boring into mine. "Are you kidding me? You saved my life!" she exclaims. She tenderly rests her hand against my cheek. "You are my life."

I bite my lip, trying to keep it from trembling. "But so is she," I whisper.

Clarke just nods. There's nothing left to say.

I take her hand and scramble to my feet, pulling her up with me. "Come," I just say, "You have to go."

She takes a deep breath, nods again and follows me outside. By now my friends are busy with more important things. They probably want to leave soon. I ask Clarke to wait for just a second and hurry to my tent to get my gun barrel. On the way out I walk into Al.

"You're leaving?" she asks me.

I shake my head. "No, I'm not. I'm just bringing her back."

"Good," she smiles. "Cause you owe us a hell of an explanation about that rocket ship - or whatever that thing was. Plus, you know... you're one of us."

I return her smile. "Don't you forget it! I'll be back in about two hours. Wait for me okay? Oh, and do you maybe have some extra knife, or something? For Clarke?"

Al pulls a butterfly knife out of her pocket. "She can take this one. It's a bit rusty, but I assume she won't need it for dinner."

"Let's hope she won't need it at all!" I sigh, as I thankfully accept the knife and stow it away in my pocket.

"So, a girl, huh?" Al goes on, making me look up at her again. Her smile has grown into a full-blown grin. "If only I'd known..."

I snort and playfully push her away from me. "Bye Al," I call over my shoulder, "Don't go anywhere without me!"

It's about a three mile walk back to the ship.

When we cross the woods I tell Clarke about the Walkers - quietly, since I don't want to attract any attention. I give her Al's knife and explain how to defeat them - "Hit them in the head.  _Always_  in the head!" - and why you should avoid bites at any costs. I tell her about the Whisperers, who often pretend to be Walkers, but are more dangerous since they actually do have working brains. (Although?) I reassure her that there are good people too, you just have to be careful who to trust.

I tell her everything she needs to know in the short time that's left. It's not until we're almost there that I bring up our current situation again.

"Just talk to her, okay?" More nervous than I'd like to admit I force my lips into a weak smile. "Who knows how she reacts?"

Clarke narrows her eyes. "I can tell her about you?" she asks.

"Just her," I nod, "No one else." By now we can see the ship through the trees. "I'll wait right here. Just in case you..." I don't finish my sentence.

She nods as well, understandingly, then takes a step away from me.

And another one.

And another one.

Right then, just when I think she won't look back, she turns around and rushes back to me. Without saying a word she cups my face and presses her lips against mine.

One kiss.

We share one kiss before she lets go and starts running to her ship. To her people.

To her home.

... ...


	4. Clarke

To feel her lips on mine again.

In all these years I could never have dreamed of it. Yet if I had, I know it would have been exactly like this. As soon as our lips touch a bolt of electricity shoots through me. Our lips are still a perfect match.

 _We_  are still a perfect match.

Fighting the urge to deepen our kiss I reluctantly pull back. Our eyes lock, just for a short second, but long enough to tell me that we share the same thought. The same fear. The last time we parted it took us over a century to find each other again. Why does it suddenly feel we're there again?

I blink - a pointless attempt to shake off the image of what could be - and force myself to turn around. I start running, towards the transport ship... and away from her. I know she watches me go, but I can't look back. If I do I'll never make it home.

And I have to. I have to see Madi. Have to see if she's alright. And maybe, against all odds, if she's willing to leave it all behind.

So I keep running. Through the forest, across the open, deserted field, straight to the Gagarin. The drawbridge is open, though guarded by two of Octavia's armed men. They don't stop me, as they recognize me straight away, and I ignore them, since I obviously don't care about them right now.

A few steps in I walk into Madi - literally, as she's restlessly pacing back and forth with her eyes on the ground. Only just managing to prevent from being tumbled over, she looks up.

"Clarke! You're safe!" She throws herself into my arms. "Thank God you're safe!"

"I am. I'm okay," I reassure her. I break our embrace and closely examine her face. "Are you? Is everyone alright?"

She nods. "I think so. I sent out two search parties to find you. The first group just returned. They ran into some kind of... creators. It was dark, so they couldn't really see. They said it might as well have been some animals. They got away though, everyone is fine. Just some scratches. And Diyoza got a nasty bite-"

"A bite?" I interrupt her stream of words. A flicker of panic crosses my face. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, she said she could feel teeth ripping her flesh." She narrows her eyes, looking puzzled. "It's nothing to worry about. Your mom took care of it, she sterilized the wound. Stitched her up. It really shouldn't be a problem."

"It is! It's a huge problem!" I cry out. "Madi, those creators, they aren't animals. They are Walkers. And one bite will turn you into one of them!"

Madi takes a step backward, shocked and confused. "You mean..?"

I swallow. "I mean Diyoza just became a hazard. A real one. We- We have to kill her brain before she turns," I explain, inhaling a sharp breath before I continue, "We have to kill her."

Madi stares at me, aghast and flabbergasted.

"How- How do you know all this?"

I glance around me. Even though we're alone right now people can pass by at any moment. I take her by the arm and lead her into an adjacent room. After closing the door behind us, I take a deep breath and face her again.

"Lexa told me," I blurt out.

"Lexa?! You found another Lexa here?" Madi frowns.

I shake my head. "No. No, I didn't. I- I found  _my_  Lexa."

Madi blinks in surprise. "Your Lexa?" she questions astonished. I can see the worry growing in her eyes. "Are you really okay? Did- Did someone drug you, or something? You know Lexa died, right? A long time ago?"

A small sigh escapes me. "Yes, I was there," I breathe. I take her by both shoulders, less gently than I intend to. "Madi, I'm not going crazy. She's here. She... She started over somehow. She's living a new life, with new people. A new name even. But it's really her. Inside and out. It's Lexa."

The look on her face tells me she has a hard time believing me. She seems to try though.

"How is that even possible?" she quietly asks.

I let go of her and heave another sigh. "I don't know! She doesn't either. She remembers her life, even her death, but nothing much after that."

For a moment Madi keeps silent, and so do I. I understand. It's a  _lot_  to wrap your head around. She's the first to speak up, taking me by surprise when she does.

"The City of Light," she states.

"What?"

"The City of Light. That's where she's been."

Now I'm the one to frown. "But that can't be. I pulled the kill switch. I destroyed it!"

"No, you didn't. You only changed the purpose," she corrects me. "You brought the living back. The ones with the chip. But The City of Light was not just a place for the living, was it? It's a place for the deceased as well. Not all of them. Just the-"

"-Nightbloods," I finish her sentence

Madi nods.

"Who told you all this?" I ask her, but she stays quiet, her lips pressed together. "The Flame," I answer my own question.

Once again she just nods.

Feeling exhausted all of a sudden I take a seat on one of the benches. Madi follows my example.

"So? Where is she?" she asks me with a hint of curiosity in her voice.

"Out in the woods. She..." I fall quiet and clear my throat. We've reached the difficult part. "She doesn't want to come back. With or without the Flame, she'll be seen as the Commander again. Maybe not by everyone, but still. And she's very certain she doesn't want that anymore. She chooses her new life."

"Over you?" Madi asks, drawing her eyebrows together.

I slowly shake my head. "Not necessarily. She asked me to come with her. Try to settle down somewhere. Without-"

"-us?"

"Yes. No! Not all of you. I told her about you, and you can come. Of course you can come!" I take her hands into mine - firmly, like I don't ever want to let go again. "Madi, you have to come. You need to come!"

Madi surveys my face. "Why?"

"Why?!" I exclaim somewhat bewildered, "Because I can't leave you behind! You're way too young, and-"

"Clarke!" she cuts me off, "I'm not a kid anymore!"

"But you are!"

"No, I'm not! Don't you see it? I'm a leader. I'm their Heda!" She pulls her hand away from mine and waves it around like the room is filled with people. "The people of Wonkru, they listen to me."

"Yes, they do. But they don't take care of you. Not- Not like I do. They worship you like a leader, but Madi, to me you're so much more!" I get up and kneel down in front of her. "Maybe you don't feel like a child anymore. And you know, I get that. But to me you are still a child. You're _my_ child. And I love you so much, in a way they never will."

"I love you too, Clarke," she softly smiles, "But you know I can't come. I have a job to do. People rely on me."

I nod. I do know. I know it's useless, I know there's no way I'll change her mind. So I shouldn't even try.

"Then I will stay wi-"

"But you should go," she interrupts me, sounding very determined. "You should be where you belong, and in the end that's not with me. It's with her."

I jump to my feet. "No! No, it's not!"

"Clarke, I've seen the pain in your eyes when you spoke about her. The tears when you thought no-one could see you. Did you know you talk about her in you sleep? She has never ever left your mind."

Frantically, I shake my head again. "I won't leave you."

Madi stands up as well. She faces me and I suddenly realize it won't be long anymore till we're actually eye to eye. When did she grow this big?

"Then I'm sending you away. I banish you," she states.

I want to protest, but no words come out. Is she for real?

"You saved my life in so many ways," she goes on in a softer tone. "One of them was by giving me a family. It's not just you and me anymore, there are other people now to look after me. Bellamy, Octavia, Niylah, Echo... even Murphy. They care about me, too. I will be okay. But for that I don't need to see how much you love me. I need to see how much you love  _you_."

Still speechless I just stare at her.

"So go! Go and settle down and be happy and make babies. You deserve it, more than anyone."

I feel a tear sliding down my cheek and quickly brush it away. "I don't want to lose you," I whisper, fighting the lump in my throat.

"You don't. We  _will_  meet again. I promise!"

She forces a smile and I manage to do the same. Not knowing what to say anymore I pull her in for a tight hug.

"Goodbye, Child from Hell," I breathe into her hair, drawing a soft chuckle from her.

"Goodbye... Mom," she murmurs, pulling me closer, then abruptly pushing me away a little. I let got, press a kiss on her forehead and turn around. For the second time today I don't look back.

On my way out I grab a gun from the small weapon room. I don't take anything else though. I don't own squat anyway.

Leaving the ship I start to run again. Although I feel heavy with sadness, I can't stop the smile on my face from growing. Beaming, and slightly out of breath, I reach the spot where I left Lexa behind.

She's gone.

... ...


	5. Lexa | Alicia

"You think we'll make it?"

I turn around and look at Al, who's already handing me another piece of canvas to load into the truck. She shrugs.

"Hope so. According to Morgan it shouldn't be that far anymore. We only have a few drops left though."

I shove the canvas under one of the benches, then rest my hand against the cool metal of the vehicle. "Are you ready to say goodbye yet?"

Slowly shaking her head Al takes a seat on one of the steps. I join her.

"Shouldn't we be used to it by now?" she muses, her eyes on our friends who are breaking down the camp. "Wouldn't it be easier if we became immune for goodbyes? For loss?"

"Easier? Yes," I nod, following her gaze, "But also inhuman. Feelings, even the shitty ones, are the one thing that separates us from all the bad out there. They keep us going. And they make us who we are."

Al turns her head to look at me. She pulls a face. "Someone who cries over the loss of a truck?"

Shrugging my shoulders I give her a half grin. "Apparently," I giggle, before playfully bumping her shoulder with mine. "But hey, don't be so hard on yourself. You two have been inseparable for years. You can shed a tear over that."

For a moment we just sit there, nostalgically smiling over something that's soon to become a memory.

"How about you?" Al breaks our silence. "Any tears at your goodbye this morning?"

My smile fades away and I avert my eyes. "I can't talk about that," I sigh, my voice suddenly unstable.

"You can't or you don't want to?"

"I..." I think back of this morning, of Clarke running away from me, and feel a sharp pain hitting my chest. "I can't," I mumble.

Al turns toward me, careful not to fall of the small rung. "I'm sorry," she sighs.

I look up at her. "What? No, don't be. You didn't know-"

"I mean about whatever you're going through," she interrupts me. "I have no clue what's going on, but I can tell it's hurting you. And I hate to see that. You're my friend, and no one should make you feel like that."

I slowly exhale and show her a weak smile. "No one does," I breathe, hardly audible, "No one but me."

She rests her hand on my knee and gently squeezes it. "Well, I am still sorry," she says. "For you, but also a little bit for me." I frown at her, my eyes questioning, while a twinkle appears in hers. "You could at least have given me an hour alone with her!"

Caught off guard my jaw drops. This time it's Al who bumps my shoulder. "I'm talking about an interview!" she laughs, and I can't help but laugh as well. She taps my knee and stands up. "Come on, let's help the others. It's time to leave this place."

I jump to the ground, but don't follow her yet. Instead I watch her join the group, watch how they collect the rest of our stuff - efficiently and organized, but also at ease, clearly well attuned to each other after all this time.

I made the right choice. I know I did.

So why does it hurt so freaking much?

Trying to pull myself together I heave a sigh and turn around. With my eyes on the ground I walk to the cabin of the truck. My mind is elsewhere. It shouldn't be. In a world this dangerous it should never be. This time is no exception.

The rough push against my shoulder comes out of nowhere. I stumble backwards, even more when a second push follows.

"You left me!"

Struggling to stay on my feet I manage to look up.

It's Clarke. And she looks furious.

"You left me!" she calls again as she gives me a final shove. My back hits the truck while she takes another step forward, closing me in. She isn't done though. "You said you would never-" she cries out as she starts hitting me, vigorously and with eyes spitting fire. "But you left me  _again_..."

For a second I feel I should let her, like she  _should_  hit me, cause yes, she's right - I left her. She's allowed to be angry, and if she feels better by hurting me... But then I see it. Her pain, hidden behind her anger. She doesn't want to do this. She just lost control.

She needs my help.

I lift my arms, protecting my face from her persistent blows, before I'm finally able to grab her wrists. Still enraged she fights me, trying to pull herself loose. I notice how much stronger she's become, but I refuse to let go.

"Lexa!" she shouts as we wrestle for dominance. "Let me go! Let me-" She continues to writhe, forcing me to tighten my grip.

"Clarke!" I hiss, "Clarke, stop it! You're hurting yourself!"

As she keeps struggling she doesn't really see me, but she does seem to hear me. It's the slight hesitation of her body in reaction to my voice that gives her away, that keeps me going.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Clarke. I didn't mean to- I never thought you'd come back! Please, believe me!"

And then she finally gives up. Out of breath she lets go, relaxes her muscles and slumps her shoulders. At last her eyes find mine, telling me this isn't a trick. She's done. I deeply exhale and slowly lower our arms.

"I'm sorry," I quietly tell her again. I loosen my grip on her wrists and lightly rub my thumbs over the bruised skin. "I'm sorry for hurting you."

We both know I'm not talking about this fight.

"You left me," she gasps once more, her lip quivering and her chest still rising and falling with rapid breaths.

I open my mouth to speak up, to apologize, to explain, but I don't get the chance as she brusquely leans in to connect our lips - almost as fiercely as when she attacked me, not to mention taking me by complete surprise. I don't need much time to adapt though. Kissing her is like breathing, it's the most natural thing I know. So without giving it a second thought I part my lips to welcome her in.

The kiss is hungry, filled with urge and desperation. It's not sweet, it's claiming. It's a question. A supplication.

And it's the both of us.

It's the both of us clinging to each other for dear life.

When we finally break apart she keeps leaning into me, pinning me against the truck, her forehead lightly touching mine.

"Don't ever leave me again," she whispers. Her warm breath caresses my lips.

"I- I just thought..." I stammer, "I mean, I don't get it. You can't be here. Madi would never agree. The voices of the Commanders, they are so strong. They would never..." I swallow. "They keep you trapped, you know. Like a prisoner. As long as she has the Flame-"

"Shhh," Clarke shushes me, "You're right. Madi isn't here."

"But you are. It's just- It's not possible. I know you would never leave her," I state, certain yet confused.

She gazes at me, squinting her eyes a little. "You never even waited, did you? You never believed I'd come back?"

"I couldn't," I confess, my eyes down as I shake my head, "I was so sure that the Flame would win. I couldn't allow myself the hope that I was wrong. You see hope, it's an enemy I can't beat. I learned that the hard way."

"You know what I just learned the hard way? How fucked up these woods are!"

"I didn't know you would cross them - let alone all by yourself!" I exclaim, "You were supposed to choose Madi!"

Clarke takes a small step backwards. "I did," she admits, "She uh... she banished me. She sent me away."

My head shoots up and I stare at her, bewildered. "She did what?"

"She told me to be with you," Clarke goes on. "Or...?"

I narrow my eyes. "Or what?"

Mirroring my expression Clarke tilts her head a little. "Or did you? Are you still in her head, somehow?"

"What?! No!" I cry out. "I mean, I can't remember ever being in there, but... no! I would  _never_  do anything like that. Force you to be somewhere? No! You wouldn't be you without your loyalty. That's why I-"

We both freeze. Seconds pass by.

"That's why I love you," I finish the sentence I once couldn't.

She doesn't reply. Instead she pulls me in and presses her lips on mine again. Her touch is softer than before, the kiss now full of affection. It makes me want to drown in her embrace.

But I can't. The loud, unexpected voice startles me.

"Alicia!"

Pulled out of the moment I feel a little disorientated for a second. I look around.

"Can't say you two aren't entertaining, but we really have to go," Strand remarks from a short distance. "The back is cramped, all seats are taken. You two have to squeeze yourself into the passenger seat!"

I nod, then look at Clarke again. "You go sit in the cabin, next to Al. I'll be right there."

I let go of her and walk away, yet I stop when I look over my shoulder and realize she isn't moving.

"Clarke?"

She blinks. "If I come with you... If we leave this place..."

She falls quiet, but I think I know what worries her. Hurrying myself back to her I take her hands into my own. "We come back for her. This place we're going, it's not far," I reassure her. "But it's safe. More safe than being out here. When we get there, we make a plan. Clarke?"

She looks up. Our eyes lock.

"We get her back. I promise!"

Letting out a long breath she slowly nods.

"Okay," I force myself to smile. Truth is I have no clue how to defeat the Flame. I just know we can't stay here. "I just need to get my barrel. I'll be right with you."

She nods again and this time she does actually turn around. I speed to the back of the truck and note that everyone is in there already. Strand, sitting next to the backdoor, is holding my weapon - knowing too well I was coming for it. Right when he's about to hand it to me, he pulls back again.

"Now, call me crazy, but did she just call you Lexa?" he questions, a curious look on his face.

My brows snap together. "Seriously? You were eavesdropping?!"

"I prefer calling it coming to the rescue when a friend is getting attacked. You just didn't seem to need the help," he winks. "Now what's with the name?"

"Not now, Strand," I sigh, grabbing the barrel from his hands. "Not now."

Turning around I quickly make my way to the cabin and climb in. Squeezing myself next to Clarke I close the door and tell Al we're good to go.

"We used to have more space," I tell Clarke as I wrap my arm around her so we're both sitting a bit more comfortable - and also because I really want to. "We were driving two trucks, but we had to give up the other one as we could find less and less gasoline. Won't take long before we lose this one, too."

She tilts her head. "This plan- place, I mean, hasn't always been like this, has it?"

I shake my head. "No, it hasn't. It used to be alright."

"So when did it change?"

"Honestly? I lost track of time. Ten years maybe? Al, what do you think?"

I look aside, suddenly realizing this conversation must make no sense to my friend.

"Ten sounds about right," she nods, before looking at Clarke. "You're not from around, are you?"

"She's from L.A.," I quickly come in between. "Just like me."

"So you guys go far back?"

Clarke looks at me, then back at Al. "You wouldn't wanna believe!" she smiles, before nestling herself a little bit more into my arms.

The rest of the ride we are mostly quiet. Fortunately we are not bothered by blockages or other road problems, and our tank seems to be just full enough. Morgan, sitting right behing Al, tells her where to go and ultimately where to stop.

"We're almost there. Let's walk the last part, since our vehicle doesn't look as friendly as we do," he suggests.

The walk is short indeed, it just takes a couple of minutes before we get the first glimpse of the community. Or the walls around it, actually. As we slowly approach we can see guards on top of them. Getting even closer we can see their faces.

That's the moment Clarke and I abruptly stop walking.

"Is that...?" Clarke cries out, right when I start asking her the same.

We look at each other, almost too flabbergasted to finish our own questions. But we do, together in one breath.

"...Luna?!"

... ...


	6. Clarke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _And here we have our third series: The Walking Dead! (canon until ep 9x10) I realize my reading audience will decrease with every show I add, as less people watch all three of them, but á las, let's just accept that as a fact and consider ourselves a select company (or clan?) from now on. This part being for those still with me! Enjoy!_

We're lead towards the gate by a man named Morgan, as I just learned, who's apparently been here before. There are ten of us. Is that a lot? How many men will be behind that wall? Probably more.

We come to a hold.

"I'd like to see Maggie," Morgan tells the armed man at the gate. His voice is calm, almost polite.

The man crosses his arms. A scowl darkens his face. "Maggie is gone," he states. The news seem to shock Morgan. To unbalance him.

"Did she- Did they get her?"

"No," the guard answers, shaking his head. "She just left. Joined another group. I'm sorry, who are you?"

"Morgan!"

The reply isn't coming from Morgan himself. It's coming from someone behind the guard. A woman, as it turns out when she gets closer.

"Tara!" Morgan's face lights up. "How 'bout that? You live here now?"

"Worse," she snorts, "I'm running this ship."

"Then you're the one I need to talk to," he smiles. "We're looking for a place to stay. To settle down for a while."

She narrows her eyes, drawing a line between her brows. "All of you?"

Morgan nods and takes a step closer to her. "Yes, all of us. I know we're with many, but we can all help out. And I can tell you these are all good people. I've traveled with them for years, I know all of them very well," he tells her, before partly turning around to follow her gaze, as she's already checking us out like we're on some kind of meat market. His eyes linger on me for a second. "Almost all of them," he quietly adds.

When he faces her again she shrugs apologetically. "I'm sorry, Morgan, but we don't have the space for that many people. We accepted a group of five just a few weeks ago, they got the last trailer. We're packed."

"We've got tent-"

"Besides," she goes on, ignoring his attempt to convince her, " _you_ might know them, but we don't. And like you said, it's been years. Things have changed. We've all changed. Who tells me you didn't? Who says you're still  _our_  Morgan?"

"You don't trust me?!" It's hard to tell if it's a question or an observation. I can't see his face, but he sounds stunned. This clearly isn't the welcome he was counting on.

"I want to, but come on, you know we have to be very cautious," Tara shrugs again. "We can't be naive. To us you are nine strangers. Ten if we count you."

"We're not all strangers."

The words are out before I know it, yet before I can worry if this is my smartest move I already hear myself go on. "We know her!"

I point at Luna.

Tara looks surprised. "You do?"

Without waiting for my confirmation, she turns around. "Magna!" she calls for Luna, who's still up on one of the walls, "Can you come down for a second?"

Before Tara's focus is back on me, Lexa, standing right next to me, leans in. "Clarke, what are you doing?" she murmurs beneath her breath.

I look at her from the corner of my eye. "Trying to get us in," I whisper. "Isn't that what we're here for?"

"Yes, but don't you think-"

She can't finish.

"What is it?" Luna - or Magna was it? - questions as soon as she shows up next to Tara.

Tara faces her. "These people claim to know you. Is that true?"

"Not all of us!" I quickly clarify, "Just us." I gesture at Lexa and myself.

With a blank expression on her face Luna gives the both of us a once-over before turning to Tara again. She gives a dismissive wave of her hand. "Never seen them before. Whatever they're selling, don't buy it!"

As she's about to turn around, I instinctively take a big step forward, though I stop right there as I catch the guard doing the same.

"Wait!" I try to stop her. "Please, I know it's been years, but-"

This time it's Luna who takes a step closer - a little too close for my liking, to be honest. On the other hand, the fact that she's this intimidating just proves to me that it's really her.

"You question my memory?" she snarks.

"No, she doesn't," Lexa suddenly speaks up, resting her hand on my shoulder and discreetly pulling me two steps back. "We're just talking about a real long time ago. I believe I haven't seen you since I was twelve, so..."

Luna frowns. "Seen me where?"

"At the- At the training," Lexa answers her. I can tell she carefully weighs her words, trying to avoid names and places, yet also realizing she does need to give her more, since Luna just keeps staring at her. "You know, for the Conclave? We were both novitiates."

"Novi-what?"

I search for a sign of recognition on her face, but there is none. She isn't lying. She really doesn't remember.

And she's not going to help us.

Luna turns towards Tara again, showing us her back. "Seriously, I have no clue what they're talking about. They're frauds. You should send them away!"

She doesn't wait for Tara's response, neither does she give us a second look; she just walks away. I follow her with my eyes, watch how she meets another woman halfway between us and some big mansion in the far back. The woman wraps her arm around her and pulls her close. Kisses her temple. They laugh.

"... can't right now, I need to talk to some others," Tara's voice coming from afar draws my attention back to her conversation with Morgan. "I'm not sending you away, but I can't let you in either. For now you can set up your camp over there, next to the crops."

When I peek over her shoulder again, Luna is out of sight. And when Tara closes the gate, the entire settlement is.

Mission failed.

We all look at each other. "Now what?" a woman called June wonders out loud.

"Set up camp," Morgan sighs, "And hope for the best."

Together we walk back to the truck. I make sure to stay close to Lexa - not just because there might be Walkers around, but because I am very aware of the disappointment of the group - a heavy feeling that outweighs the fear of creepy undead.

"I made it worse, didn't I?" I quietly ask her.

She takes my hand. "Maybe," she admits, "But maybe we didn't stand a chance to begin with."

"They might feel different. They might want me to leave now," I mutter. I can feel panic sneaking up on me. Will I lose her if they do?

"No, they won't," Lexa calmly reassures me with a light squeeze. I mirror her action, only to hold on tight. "Like Morgan said, they're good people. They're not out to judge, or punish. The days that we're all at each other's throats - sometimes even literately - are far behind us."

I look aside, the corner of my mouth quirking up in amusement. "You've come a long way."

She returns my smile in a way that makes my belly flutter. "You have no idea," she grins.

We make it back to the truck without any trouble and drive it to the designated spot next to the vegetable patch, and close to the wall. The tents are up in no time, and Lexa and I retreat in ours.

"This isn't right," she sighs. "Being this close to a wall that can actually protect us, yet being at the wrong side of it."

Rolling out the mattresses, and making sure they're right next to each other this time, I look over my shoulder. "You think it would have made a difference? With Luna I mean. Would she indeed have helped us, if she remembered?"

Lexa hands me the blankets. "I don't know, she might have. The Luna I knew would have."

"I hate to tell you that she changed a lot after your-"

I fall quiet mid-sentence.

"-after my passing," she completes my words, showing me a soft, warm smile. "It's okay, Clarke. I'm okay. I found my next shore, remember?"

I force myself to answer her smile, even though I can only offer her a sad one. I'm glad that she's okay. Relieved to know she didn't suffer, and that she was able to leave it all behind her, even though that meant she forgot about me. But I never forgot about her. I had to live with it, for all those years. With the pain, with missing her every single day. Yes, we found each other again, in some miraculous way, but every day I spent without her feels like a lost one. There's nothing that can change that.

Heaving a small sigh, I lie down on top of the blankets. Lexa watches me, then follows my example, nestling herself in my arms.

"What happened to her?" she asks, her voice hardly louder than a whisper.

I swallow. "She died in pain."

"Doesn't everyone?"

"That's not what I mean. I'm not talking about a painful death - although what I heard it wasn't a good one. I'm talking about darkness," I start to explain, making sure to keep my voice down. "To you she is the girl who stopped fighting. Who went away to live her life in peace. Believing there was still good in the world, that people were good. And worth saving. That's how I met her as well. But Lexa, she lost it all. Her entire clan. Her faith in humanity. And in the end, even herself. The last time I saw her, I hardly recognized her. She was bitter, and angry, and just.. giving up on the world."

Lexa doesn't say anything. I give her a second to process it all, before I quietly continue, "And that's why I'm not sure we should try again. What if remembering means going back to that very last moment, to that very last memory, right before the fear of-" I can't help but hesitate once again. "-the fear of dying?"

"It does," Lexa slowly nods. "But it's not a bad feeling. Remembering made me feel happy. Of course there was this sadness and unfairness of how I'd got ripped away, but it brought a smile to my face nonetheless. Because..." Tilting her head, she looks up at me through her lashes. "Because more than anything I felt blissful in that very last moment. I was with you."

She lifts her hand and tenderly caresses my cheek, following the contour of my jaw and my chin, before resting it on my chest - on my heart.

"My whole life had been about this predestination," she continues. "Being a Natblida I always felt I simply had to... exist. Exist and play my part. Be the person, the Commander, people expected me to be. I felt like I never lived for  _me_. Until my final hour. Being with you finally made me feel alive."

Not knowing whether to cry or laugh, I lean in and press a soft kiss to her forehead.

"And so did remembering your past?" I ask, my lips grazing against her skin. "It made you feel alive?"

Lexa props up on her elbow and gazes down at me. "Yes," she simply answers. With our eyes locked she brushes a strand of hair from my forehead. "But that wasn't all. As soon as I saw you, it just hit me. I- I just knew..."

"What?" I breathe.

"I knew that for you I'd die all over again."

Lost for words I stare at her. Watch how her lips curve into the cutest smile, before she closes the gap between us to kiss me. As I kiss her back I forget everything around me. There's only one thought breaking through my clouded mind: I'm home.

One kiss turns into another, and another, quickly changing from sweet to passionate. I can feel my heartbeat rising. Hear our breathing increase. My hands find the lapels of her leather jacket and scoop it off her shoulders, eager to pull her in again. Yet right when she's about to reconnect our lips, she pulls back and looks around.

With her head less than three feet from the canvas, and the chatter of her people within hearing distance, she suddenly seems aware of where we are... and what we're doing.

She takes a deep breath and looks at me again, a little sheepishly. A soft chuckle escapes me. It's okay. This isn't the time, or the place.

Giggling as well, Lexa rests her head on my shoulder again. I press another kiss on top of her head and pull her a little closer. For a while we just lay like this, blissful and content. But then I remember what we were actually talking about before.

"I'm really glad these recollections haven't hurt you," I break our silence, "But it also kinda proves my point. About Luna, I mean."

I can feel her smile against my skin. "Does your brain ever catch a break?" she hums.

"I'm sorry," I mumble, drawing another laugh from her.

"I'm not!" she chuckles, "You wouldn't be you without your strategic mind. Tell me, what about Luna?"

I sit up, forcing her to do the same, and look at her. "Like I said, she wasn't doing well. If it's true that you pick up right where you left off, if we bring her back to  _that_  place... we might change her forever."

Lexa raises her brow. "Change her from what though?"

"Change her from someone who is actually happy now? Yes, she seemed a bit defensive at the gate, but I reckon everyone would be in this world. And I watched her when she walked away from us, when she let her guard down. She looked comfortable. Relaxed. Like she's... like she's at home."

"And you're afraid we could ruin that?" Lexa sighs, nodding understandingly.

"Honestly? Yes," I admit.

She bites her lip, looking pensive. "You might be right," she nods again, "But you might also underestimate who she is today. Remember how I told you I am as much Alicia as I am Lexa? That really is the deal. It's fifty-fifty. Lexa isn't in control. If she were I'd be in that spaceship right now."

"You're saying we should trust on... Magna, was it?"

"I'm saying we should take the risk, hoping that I'm right," she says, "If we want to live, like actually  _live_ , without constantly having to look over our shoulders, we need protection. We need a wall."

"Even if we might damage her?"

She exhales, her eyes still fixed on mine. "You think it's harsh. But-"

"-that's how we survive?"

I can't suppress a small smile. I'm not the only one who hasn't changed.

"In this case, yes," she lifts her shoulder in a half shrug. "I don't plan on fighting her. I don't want any war. I want to live  _with_  them, peacefully, or move on. But I think we should give this a try."

Now I'm the one nodding. I hate to admit it, but I think she's right. "But how though? She remembered neither of us, nor her own past."

"Because we're not the key here," Lexa quietly muses, almost to herself, her eyes now focused onto nothing. "I mean, in my case, yes, some things started to surface when I saw the ship. I got this deja vu feeling, maybe because the whole spectacle was so absurd, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't until I saw you that it all came back to me."

She looks up at me again. "It was like you were the last one I saw when I closed my eyes, and the first one when I opened them again."

"Well, if that's the case I'm afraid I have bad news," I sigh.

Lexa sharply inhales, holding her breath for a second. "She got killed, didn't she? Someone did this to her, on purpose?"

I just nod.

"And her killer isn't with you?"

"Oh no, she's with us," I sigh again. "Her killer is Octavia."

... ...


	7. Lexa | Alicia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Besides another chapter I'd like to drop a question. I've been playing with the idea of writing more pov's, like maybe Luna's or Madi's (while keeping the focus on Clarke and Lexa/Alicia). Do you guys think that would work, or would it be too messy? Curious about your thoughts!

We get up as soon as the first ray of light hits the ground. We pack light, since we don't plan on staying away too long. On staying with  _them_.

Her people.

 _My_  people...

I'm not ready to face them. I'm not ready to be me again. That part of me.

Clarke knows. More than that: she accepts. She's not pushing me. She's not forcing me to be that one and only person she once got to know. And I realize all too well how selfless, how exceptional that is.

It reminds me of the time we met. Two people from different worlds, with different ideas and different customs. Yet she didn't ridicule ours. She didn't question us. Well, not at first at least. She adjusted. And with that she impressed me.

Oh man, did she impress me. Not just by everything she did, but by who she was. She made me fall for her, like no one ever did before... or after.

And now, years later, she's doing it all over again.

"You're ready to go?"

A little startled, I blink. Did she catch me staring at her?

"Y- Yeah, I am. Let's do this," I nod.

We reckon it's about a six hour walk, more if we run into trouble. It would be safer if we follow yesterday's road, but also triple the distance. A day at least. For some reason it doesn't feel like an option.

So we choose the woods.

"Tell me about her," I inquire as soon as we've left the camp. "About Octavia."

Last night, after learning that it was Octavia who took Luna's life, we had to drop the subject as we were called for dinner, and although there'd been plenty of time after that, I just couldn't get myself to drag her away from the others. Seeing her chatting with June and Lucy, goofing around with Charlie, taking first watch with Strand - basically watching her slowly stepping into my world - I just had to let her be. Well, let her be and and look at her, with an undeniable flutter in my heart and a smile on my lips.

It must have been the first night in a long, long time that I felt slightly relaxed again. I'd almost say happy, if it wouldn't be too scary to admit such a thing.

But that was last night.

Today is about reality again. About wanting more nights like that - way more - and the need to build that. The need for an actual life. The need for safety. 

Clarke looks at me. She heaves a heavy sigh. "Well, you know part of her story. How she didn't really got to live until she got to the ground. How she found her tribe there, feeling related to the Grounders instead of, well, us."

"Yet she killed one?"

"More than one," she corrects me. "But I'm not there yet."

As we keep walking she tells me all about Second Praimfaya, the threat that was bigger than all the clans together. The death wave that was going to be the end of the world. She tells me about the bunker, that wasn't big enough for everyone. And about the final conclave. One champion from each clan fighting to the death, until one would remain. First price, apart from staying alive: the bunker.

"Despite her dreadful history in space, and one of our own chancellors executing Lincoln, Octavia fought for Skaikru."

"And won?"

"And won," Clarke nods.

I narrow my eyes. "By killing them all?"

She slowly shakes her head. "By killing the last one... Luna."

"Luna?" I frown. "Why would she fight? You said she'd lost her clan. Who would she share that bunker with?!"

"No one. She was willing to go down... and take the whole world with her," Clarke answers quietly, before shrugging her shoulders - almost apologetically. "I'd told you she'd gone dark."

We stay quiet for a moment. I'm trying to picture Luna the way she turned out. The girl I grew up with. My sister... kind of. The girl who didn't want to fight.

I can't.

"After winning the conclave Octavia surprised everyone by refusing to only take Skaikru into the bunker," Clarke goes on. "With twelve clans left, she decided each clan could choose hundred people to stay in there. To survive Praimfaya. With that, Wonkru was born."

I look up at her in surprise. "A coalition?"

With my eyes now stuck on her instead of the ground I trip over a root. Clarke reaches out and grabs my arm, preventing me from a mud dive. When she sees that I'm alright she continues in a mocking tone, "I wouldn't call it that. There weren't any ambassadors there, to start with. Just one leader. Queen Octavia." Without slowing down she rests her hand on my shoulder again. "Believe me, she was nothing like you!"

I glance at her, making sure not to stumble again, and scoff. "You make it sound like I was some saint. Like I tried to unite those clans by inviting them over for tea, instead of fighting wars over it. Like I never kicked those against me of my balcony. Or-"

I abruptly fall quiet when I feel her arms around me from behind, pulling me tight into her embrace. She nudges her nose into my hair, then kisses the skin underneath. "I mostly remember how you  _stopped_  doing all that. For me," she smiles, her breath caressing my neck.

Wide-eyed, I turn around in her arms to face her. "You're saying I went all... all...  _weak_ for you?"

Trying - but failing - to keep a straight face, she raises her brows. "You didn't?" she chuckles.

"No!" I exclaim. However, my attempt to appear offended does not last long as the corner of my mouth starts to lift. "I mean, maybe I took it down a notch, you know, and maybe, just maybe, that was a little bit  _because_ of you," I mumble. "You did teach me a thing or two."

Clarke leans in for a quick peck on my lips. "Thank you," she winks, "That's all I wanted to hear." She rests her forehead against mine. "And for the record, I'd never call you weak. You're the strongest warrior, the strongest woman I know. A soft side doesn't bite strength, it only adds to it."

As a small sigh escapes me, telling me I'm losing control, I further close the distance between us. With our lips already brushing against each other, she quietly continues, "Plus it makes you look adorably cute!"

"Ugh!" I grumble, abruptly taking a step backwards. "That's it. No more kisses for you!"

Bursting into laughter, she shakes her head. "Only making it worse, babe," she grins. "Only making it worse."

I want to keep muttering, but her laugh is too contagious. I can barely get out a  _shut up_  before cracking up as well. "Alright," I giggle as soon as I can form words again, "Let's just move on!" and we both know I don't mean that just figuratively. Both still smiling we continue our way, well aware that we can't afford ourselves to linger.

"Maybe that was the thing though," Clarke muses after a few minutes, now almost sounding like she's just thinking out loud. "With Octavia, I mean. She'd lost it all, just like Luna had, except for the urge to do good. To be fair. And although that's a great intention, it's not easy. Especially when you're alone. And she was. She had no one to fight with." She takes my hand, lacing our fingers together. "No one to fight  _for_."

I give her a soft squeeze. "Sounds lonely."

"Yeah, it does," she sighs, before suddenly changing her tone again. "Wouldn't call it an excuse for turning into a bloodthirsty dictator though. And that's - in the end - the question we're dealing with right now: who are we going to wake up when we get to the ship? Octavia... or Blodreina?"

With her question hanging in the air we keep walking - sometimes in silence, sometimes while sharing updates about our lives - but walking nonetheless. The sun is already high in the sky, and telling me we must be getting close, when I decide it's time for that other question.

"So, tell me..." I start, as I try to ignore the sudden nervous twitch in my stomach, "Has there ever been anyone else?"

I force myself to look at her, to smile. I need her to know that I understand, no matter what her answer is.

She mirrors my smile, yet with a hint of melancholy, then slowly nods. Just once.

"For a little while, yes," she admits. "Niylah... kom Trikru."

"Another Grounder?" A soft chuckle escapes me, releasing some tension I was holding within. "I guess you have a type."

Not able to hide her pink cheeks she joins my laughter. "Can you blame me?" she chuckles, and I can't, just like I can't deny that she never looked any cuter.

The moment quickly passes though. With her face turning all serious again, she continues, "We weren't together, or anything. I wasn't... we weren't in..." She swallows. "After I lost you, I was... broken. I could barely function. Yet I felt like the whole world was looking at me, like everyone counted on me. First there was Alie, then Praimfaya. It never stopped. Niylah was my break. My moment to breathe, to just be me. She accepted me, took care of me, kept me sane... but never asked me for anything in return."

"I'm glad she was there for you," I tell her, and I mean it.

"I care a lot about her, I really do. She got me through it. But she was a bandage, she was there to stop the bleeding."

Unconsciously we stop walking. She looks at me again, and as our eyes meet I nod understandingly.

"Your Niylah sounds like my Jake," I softly smile as my memory goes out to him.

"What happened?" she asks when I stay quiet.

For a second I just keep staring into nothing. Then I cough and look her in the eye. "He died," I shrug. "They all die."

I know I sound bitter. I guess, when it comes to this, I  _am_  bitter.

Clarke steps forward and takes my hands into her own. "I won't," she simply states.

I raise my eyebrows. "You still have no clue where you ended up, haven't you?"

"Oh, I do," she sets me straight. She's got a serious look on her face, yet her eyes shine brighter than ever. "I ended up exactly where I needed to be."

"With me?" I murmur, looking away as I suddenly feel a bit shyish. She gently lifts my chin and connect our eyes again.

"With you!" she nods affirmative. "Listen, it took me over a century to get here. I'm not saying I survived worse, cause I simply don't know. But I do know that I don't plan on losing it all again. On losing you again. So dying... nope... not an option!"

Shifting from one foot to the other I take in a deep breath. "You can't say that, you have no i-"

"But I do. And I can! Lexa, I  _can_  say that. Don't you see? You told me you would die for me, and even though I hope you never have to I believe you. I believe you would. Now I'm telling you that I'll live for you. And you have to believe me that I will."

I swallow.

I want to. So badly.

"I changed my mind," I mumble, making her frown.

"About what?"

The right corner of my lip slowly curves, showing her a small grin. "About no longer kissing you."

With her eyes twinkling she takes a small step towards me. That's when I hear the sound.

The sound of a zinging, well-aimed arrow.

... ...


	8. Luna | Magna

"Got her!" Miko exclaims right next to me. "Straight in the head!"

We step out of the bushes. The two women on the other side of the small glade stare at us in shock. While Miko walks towards her target to get her arrow back, I approach them.

"You guys willingly looking for trouble, or what?"

Jaws closing and eyes narrowing, they quickly seem to find their cool again. "You've been following us?" the blonde questions me.

"You gave us no choice." Somewhat defiantly, I raise my chin. "I saw you two sneaking off this morning, straight into Whisperer's territory. If you cause any trouble here we'll be the ones to be held accountable. We'll pay the price. Believe me, it wouldn't be the first time."

The other girl takes a step forward, the one who made up this crazy, shared childhood to win us over.

"Why would we cause any trouble?"

"Well, to start with, you're not paying any attention," I scoff, as I wiggle my brows and nod in the direction of the lifeless body lying six feet away from them. "Jeez, you know how tiring it is watching you two, being all over each other? You're acting like you haven't seen each other in a lifetime!"

They share a look, right when Miko joins us. "And?" I ask her, "Walker or Whisperer?"

"Walker," she answers. "The only one it seems, though we can't be sure. There's some kind of rope around her middle that looks suspiciously clean."

I open my mouth, but don't get the chance to react. Before I fully realize what's happening the brunette dives on top of me, like a lioness, using her full weight. Taking me with her in her fall we both land on the ground.

"What the h-" I shout out, but I abruptly fall still when I catch the big, sharp knife that's stuck in the tree, right behind were I'd been standing, and two pair of wide eyes staring in fear at something behind me. I swiftly glance over my shoulder. Whisperers! Two, to be exactly.

They're no giants, but they're both holding a gun; one of them pointing it at the blonde girl, the other on mine. I guess they reckon us as the lesser threat, since we're on the ground. Turning my head to the side again I exchange a quick look with the girl right next to me. Our eyes meet, just for a nano-second, but it's enough.

With a force I didn't even know I had I manage to get back up with a backflip I can't remember ever pulling off before, launching myself in the Whisperers direction in the blink of an eye. I notice from the corner of my eye how the other girl is doing the exact same thing, which makes the whole thing even more bizarre - we must look like two synchronized ninjas! - but there's no time for questions or amazement right now.

My body seems to know what to do even before my brain does. My leg stretches. Fast. Strong. Kicking whoever is hiding behind that mask against the knee cap. He goes down, at the exact same moment as his companion, screaming in pain. They are less in sync than we are though. As the left one reaches for his leg, my opponent manages to raise his shaking hand again... and shoots.

The shot is loud and distracts me for a split second, but the bullet misses me and my body is still on auto-pilot. My foot finds his hand, my heavy boot crushing it till he lets go of the gun. My foot keeps squeezing down though, shattering the bones of his fingers.

"Magna! Magna, enough!"

She sounds miles away, but slowly her voice reaches me. "They're down. We got them. Enough!"

I look up, my eyes meeting hers again, and I realize I'm out of breath.

"We got them," she tells me again, "Let's just... avoid any trouble, like you said."

I exhale and take a step backwards. They're not worth it anyway. I turn around.

"We can use that rope. Babe, can you- Nooooo!"

Miko! She's on the ground, a grimace of pain on her face, while the girl on her side has both of her hands pressed against her upper leg. There's blood running through her fingers.

Instantly forgetting about our attackers I run to her, push the blonde aside and kneel down. Resting one hand on her hair, the other finds the shot wound. I lightly touch it, my fingers immediately drenched in blood. "No, no, no," I keep muttering, "This isn't happening."

I don't look up until I feel a soft hand on my shoulder. "Hey, it's okay, she'll be okay. I know it looks bad, but we can fix this. Okay? It didn't hit the femoral artery."

"You're a doctor?" I breathe, staring at her with both hope and disbelief.

She shakes her head. "No, I just... I just know a thing or two. If we can stop the bleeding and get some help-"

"Help?!" Aghast, I jump to my feet. "We're in the middle of freaking nowhere! There's no one here! Except for-"

Turning around again I look at the two Whisperers on the ground, now held at gunpoint by my, well, fellow ninja warrior, I guess. In a few big steps I make my way back to them, feeling the rage boiling up inside me again - faster than I can ever remember.

"You! You did this!" I draw my knife and lift my arm above my head, ready to strike. Yet again it's the brunette who jumps in between - literally, as she promptly blocks me with her body. She's surprisingly strong.

"Magna, don't do this," she pleads, though I can barely hear her. For the second time today I feel like something awakens inside me. Something dark. Something stronger than me.

"Blood must have blood," I hiss between my teeth, my eyes on the target, shooting fire.

"I know," she quietly tells me, "I know."

For some reason I believe her. There's something in her voice that tells me that she does, that she gets where this is coming from, even if I myself don't. It calms me, at least enough to listen. She keeps talking, her voice low and understandingly.

"I know that's how you feel. I used to, too. But it's not going to help us. And it won't make you feel any better."

Taking a deep breath, I try to contain myself. I'm not so sure if I agree. "They don't deserve any compassion," I snarl, "They're monsters."

Keeping her eyes on me, she takes a step backwards, towards the two on the ground. "Are they though?" she wonders out loud. Not giving me a chance to fight her on this she reaches her arm and pulls their masks off. There's a girl on the left, barely fifteen, and a boy on the right - maybe even younger. They look scared.

"See, they're kids. Stupid kids who made stupid choices," she goes on. "Or maybe they didn't even got to make a choice, maybe their parents did. Or they were forced. They wouldn't be the first to believe surviving comes with joining the bad guys."

I roll my eyes. "You don't seriously consider letting them go, are you? They'll stick a knife in your back as soon as you turn around!"

"Maybe," she nods, before moving her eyes towards the two teenagers on the ground. "But maybe they are less stupid than we think."

Dropping my shoulders in some kind of defeat I sigh and walk to the Walker on the ground to get the rope. As I hand it to her I mumble, "You saved us, so it's your call. Let's hope you won't regret it."

She nods again, takes the rope and starts to tie them up, telling them it won't take them too long to free themselves, but it will give them some time to consider their options, and to use it wisely.

I hardly listen to it.

As I turn towards Miko again I notice the non-doctor taking off her henley and tying it around Miko's wound. My girl looks tired, and in pain, but also aware - thank god.

"There's no exit wound. We need to get the bullet out," the blonde speaks up. I look at her.

"What's your name?" I ask.

She slowly exhales, a small smile appearing on her lips. "Clarke," she answers, "And that's L- that's Alicia."

"Okay Clarke, let's get our tweezers out. Oh wait, we didn't bring any," I snark, unable to act friendly, even do I start to believe she might deserve it.

"We are actually pretty close by my uhm.. my camp by now," Clarke goes on, ignoring my temper. "We've got medical equipment, and there's even a doctor I can contact. A real one."

I raise my eyebrows, as this sounds a bit too good to be true, then look at my girlfriend again. She can read the question in my eyes and nods. What choice do we have?

"All right," I sigh, looking at the two newbies again, "But no more of that funny stuff, claiming that you know me and all! That's just... too fucking weird."

"Yeah," Clarke mumbles, her eyes on the Walker near her feet, " _that's_  the weird part..."

Alicia bumps her shoulder. "Come on, let's get her up!"

Miko clearly can't stand on her wounded leg, but with me on one side and Clarke on the other she manages to limp. "It's not far. Two or three miles maybe," Alicia reassures us.

She might be right, but it's the longest two or three miles I ever crossed.

When we reach the edge of the forest Clarke suddenly stops, making us almost trip.

"They're gone!" she cries out. "They- They left!" She sounds shocked, but that's not all. There's something else in her voice. Disappointment maybe?

For a moment they both look desperate and lost, and it's hard not to feel the same, as I'm still supporting my heavily injured girlfriend - very aware that she's quickly losing her strength by now.

"Now wh-" I break their silence, but Alicia beats me to it as she points her finger.

"Look, they're still here. They built a camp!"

I shut my mouth again and shake my head. First we go to a camp, then there is no camp, then they built a camp. I just can't with these two. There's no time for confusion though.

Alicia faces me. "I'm staying here. You might wanna do the same."

"What?" I exclaim, "No! I'm not leaving her!"

They briefly share another look. "It's just that... there are more people over there that might... confuse you with someone else," Clarke tries to clarify their absurd suggestion.

"Then I trust you to tell them wrong," I grumble, taking a step forward, dragging both Miko and Clarke along. "Come on, we don't have time for this bullshit."

The three of us cross the field and reach the camp, which seems poorly guarded. That is till a young girl shows up out of nowhere, carrying a heavy - wait, is that a  _sword_? Who the hell are these people?!

The girl might be young, but just one look at her tells me you don't wanna mess with her. The look on her face changes as soon as she recognizes Clarke though. Guess there's a puppy in there after all.

"Clarke! You came back!" she cheers, before a look of horror dawns her face. "Oh my god, you're bleeding!"

Clarke lays her free hand on the girl's shoulder. "I'm not, I'm okay. It's not my blood, it's..." She suddenly falls quiet.

"Yumiko's," I finish her sentence.

"Right," Clarke nods, showing me a small smile again. "It's Yumiko's. She got shot. Please tell me they left the medical equipment here before they went back up."

"Up?!" I blurt out before the girl can answer. "You're saying you guys have a chopper?!"

Maybe we should befriend them anyway?

Seemingly caught off guard Clarke blinks a few times. "Yeah, no, it's... it's a little bigger. Just... forget about it. Let's get Yumiko on a stretcher." She turns towards the girl again. "Who else is here?"

"Right now it's just Gaia, Miller and me. Raven and Emori went back to the Eligius to get more people. They should be back soon. I sent Bellamy, Echo and Murphy exploring, together with-"

Wait,  _she_  sent them? This... this _kid_?! Nope, nope... no chopper is worth this madhouse!

As their name dropping conversation goes on I turn my face to Miko and rest my hand on her cheek. Her eyes find mine and despite the fact that they look weak I spot a little twinkle in there.

"Is this for real?" I whisper.

She chuckles, which makes her groan and tighten her grip on our shoulders again, telling us we shouldn't linger.

"Take that tent," the girl says, pointing to the nearest and biggest one. We enter and find a rather large table right in the middle. I help Miko lay down on it and make sure to keep my eyes on her, as I'm more worried than I'd like to admit. A bullet is a bullet, after all.

"The Gagarin is in sight. They'll be here in a few minutes," a woman entering the tent tells the girl, before suddenly falling quiet. "Wait, is that...?"

Before she can finish whatever she's about to ask Clarke takes a big step forward. "This is Magna," she quickly says, "She's from here, as is Yumiko. They need our help. Can you help, Gaia?"

"Y- Yeah, of course," the woman nods, though she doesn't move, but keeps staring at me instead. She looks bewildered.

"Gaia!"

Clarke snaps her fingers, and it suddenly hits me how much more in charge she seems today then she did yesterday, with those other folks. Gaia blinks and forces herself to focus on Clarke again.

"Go to the dropship and see if my mom's on there. Or Jackson. Both if possible!"

Gaia nods again and leaves the tent. That's the moment I realize the roaring sound I've been hearing in the far back is getting louder. Something is out there, getting closer. Something big.

"M- Magn-"

Miko's soft voice draws my attention back to her. Whatever is out there will have to wait. I'll take her hand in mine and softly squeezes it. "I'm here, babe. I'm not going anywhere."

With my eyes stuck on the only woman, the only human being, that really matters to me I listen to the sounds outside. First there's more noise, then there's a short silence, followed by some kind of... hissing sigh? Then there's silence again.

Clarke, not seemingly impressed by all of this, doesn't wait for what's coming. She gets a knife, cuts Miko's pants open and inspects the wound. She looks up again when we hear the sound of footsteps draw near. I follow her gaze to the tent's entrance. Two people walk in. However, I don't think there's a Jackson among them.

"Mom!" Clarke cries out, before turning her eyes to the other woman. There's a a flash of surprise on her face. "Octavia!?"

This 'Mom' and 'Octavia' - or whoever they are - don't even seem to notice her though. As soon as they see me they freeze, showing me that same bewildered look as that Gaia girl did.

"This can't be..." the older of the two murmurs underneath her breath. The other one squints her eyes.

"Luna?"

Whoever this doppelgänger of me is, she must have made a great impression on this people!

"Is it really...?" As her voice drifts off the younger woman takes a step closer, examining me like she's watching a ghost.

"Clarke!" I hiss, but instead of telling them wrong she just peers at me, with some strange expectation in her eyes.

"What?" I snap.

She briefly averts her eyes to look at the others, then returns her gaze to me again. "Just..." Deeply exhaling she shakes her head. "Nothing."

"We had a deal," I remind her, shoving her slightly towards them with a push of my shoulder. She coughs, straightens her back and takes another step forward without my help.

"This isn't Luna," she finally tells them, "You  _know_  this can't be Luna. I know they look shockingly the same, but you guys need to pull it together. Cause we need your help, right now." She takes the older woman by the arm and pulls her towards us. "Mom, this is Yumiko. She got shot, close to the artery. The bullet is still in."

Glad to see that this woman's attention does go to Miko without hesitation I ignore the other one's stare and focus on the bloody situation on the table again. Miko's starting to drift off, which can't be a good thing, but this woman - who I assume is the doctor - seems to know what she's doing. Nevertheless I keep a close eye on her.

When there's more movement at the entrance of the tent, I don't pay any attention to it.

"What's going on here?"

The new voice fills the stuffy air around us... and slaps me in the face at the same time.

_"It's not your blood that defines you. It's your heart."_

I'm on a shore. Staring in the eyes of the only person who seems to care about me. But that person isn't Miko.

And I'm not me.

Suddenly afraid that my legs give way beneath me, I hold on to the table, my knuckles turning white from squeezing. I gasp for breath, but it doesn't stop my head from spinning.

I'm not me.

I'm not me.

I'm not...

I need to know for sure. I need to see those eyes, need them to tell me the truth. The only truth. I deeply inhale, close my eyes, then slowly open them again... and look up.

It's Raven.

... ...


	9. Clarke

"What's going on here?"

I briefly glance up through my eyelashes. It's Raven, entering the tent with a puzzled look on her face. There's no room for explanation though, as Mom keeps giving directions on how to assist her. She hands me an IV bag.

Yet before I can raise my arm to keep it up high, I get distracted again. This time it's Luna, who suddenly lets go of Yumiko's hand and leaves the tent without a word, but with a disturbing expression and a firm tread, almost walking over Raven in her way out.

"Hey, watch it!" she shouts, while she's trying to keep her balance. "Jesus, whoever that was, I suggest we put her back to cryo-sleep asap!"

She must have missed the resemblance in the swiftness of it all. Since I remember them being pretty close back then, I can't think of any other reason why Raven wouldn't recognize her.

And then it hits me.

They were close. They had this understanding, this deep connection between them. Could it be...?

"Raven, come over here!" I call without further thinking. I shove the bag of fluids in her hands as soon as she's close enough. "Hold this up high!"

She does as I tell her, though she wouldn't be Raven for not asking questions. I get it, I would too, but again there's no time for answers.

"Later!" I vaguely promise her in the midst of walking away. Once outside it doesn't take too long to find Luna. She's standing on the far edge of the campsite, leaning against a tree with one hand, the other pressed against her chest. When I get closer I notice that she's panting.

I walk over to her, until I am about five feet behind her.

"You okay?" I quietly ask.

She doesn't turn around. Doesn't respond either.

I take another step forward, cautious, though unsure why.

"What happened in there?" I try again.

By the raising of her shoulders I can tell she's drawing a long breath - desperately trying to pull herself together. With her hand still against the timber she hangs her head.

"How?" she speaks up, though barely audible. "How do I have memories that aren't mine?"

"I- I don't know," I honestly admit. "Madi thinks it must have been the City of Lights. Alicia s-"

"Lexa," she interrupts me, her voice now loud and clear. Slowly, she finally turns around, her eyes boring into mine. "Her name is Lexa."

I nod.

We both stay quiet. It breaks my heart to see her this confused. This lost.

"I don't really know how any of this is possible," I tell her again, "But those memories, they  _are_  yours. You're not just Magna, you are-"

"No," she cuts me off again, shaking her head fiercely. "No!"

With two more steps I close the distance between us and rest my hand on her shoulder. To my relief, she doesn't push me away.

"You are Luna... Luna kom Floukru. And you know it."

Deeply exhaling, she shakes her head again, then abruptly drops herself to the ground. I squat down in front of her.

"I know remembering all this brings you back to a place, a darkness you don't want to relive. But you don't have to. You're not really there anymore. You're here now. You got another chance."

"Which I don't deserve!" She looks up at me. Her eyes are darkened, filled with pain. This time I'm the one to shake my head.

"You are one of the most heartfelt, diligent, compassionate persons I've ever met. You stood for your beliefs, and built this peaceful, selfless world. Taking care of those in need. How could that not deserve a second chance?"

She scoffs. "You forget about the part where I was about to destroy that world."

"After we destroyed you! Luna, if there's any blame, it's ours."

She stays quiet again.

"I know you've got a lot to process. A lot of feelings to deal with. Including those feelings of your final..." Suddenly uncomfortable, I swallow. "Please don't feel like you have nothing to live for. Cause you do." I point to the biggest tent, about eighty yards away from us. "She's right there."

Luna lets out a harsh breath and rises to her feet. "You're right," she says, looking down on me, "You are to blame."

Alarmed by the sudden calm in her voice I quickly stand up as well. "Wait! I- I need to ask you for your weapons."

She narrows her eyes. "You think I'm going to fight the people who are saving my girlfriend's life? If I'd wanted you guys dead for violently taking my bone marrow, I'd killed you all a long time ago."

She walks past me without waiting for my response. I hastily turn around.

"What about Octavia?"

Holding her pace she looks over her shoulder. "She did what she had to do."

The look on my face must tell her that her answer doesn't reassure me. Heaving another sigh, she turns and walks back to me.

"Listen, I just need some time, okay? To process, like you said, and to be with Miko. I don't want to harm anyone, and I don't think you want either." Before I can answer she gestures to the sky. The sun is about to set. "I don't reckon we're going anywhere tonight. You think we can trust each other?"

I press my lips together and peer into her eyes, trying to read her. I can't. I have to trust my instinct.

"Yes," I slowly nod. "Tell me what you need."

I might be wrong, but I think I catch the tiniest lip quiver. A hint of a smile? One of relief, maybe?

"I need to be me. Magna, I mean. To the people I've met. And not meeting anyone else."

"I might need to talk to Madi then. Don't worry, we can trust her," I rush to add. "She knows about Lexa, too. And she can make sure you guys will be left alone."

"Why on earth are people listening to that kid?" Luna frowns, right before I see the dawning realization in her eyes. "She's the Commander!"

I lift my shoulder in some half shrug and pull a face. I know how she feels about the subject.

"Come on," I tell her without going into the matter.

Together we walk back into the camp. There's a lot of people around now, there must have been at least forty on the last ride down here. Everyone is busy setting up tents and preparing for the night to come, but I'm still aware that we're easy to spot - and recognize - which is why I quickly dive back into the tent that's now serving as an OR.

By the looks of it Mom just finished. She's covering Yumiko with a thin sheet. Madi is still there. Everyone else is gone.

"Is she okay?" Luna asks from behind me.

Mom looks up at her. "She is," she softly smiles, "You can come closer. Take my place." She steps aside and averts her eyes to me. "We got the bullet out. She'll be fine."

"Great," I mirror her smile, "Thank you."

She opens her mouth, probably about to shoot the first of many questions she must have, but my eyes already meet Madi's.

"We need to talk."

Madi follows me outside without question. Once outside of hearing distance from everyone else we sit down on a fallen trunk. I lean towards her.

"Remember what I told you about Lexa?"

"How could I forget?" she snorts. Then, more eagerly, "What about her? Is she here?"

I smile, understanding her avidity. "Kind of. She's in the woods. This isn't about her though. We uh, we found out there are more like her. One, at least."

Madi stares at me, expectantly, clearly wondering where this is going.

"Octavia and my mom, they weren't wrong. Magna isn't just Magna. She's also Luna."

"Luna? The Nightblood that ran?"

"...and got eventually killed by Octavia during the final conclave," I nod.

A flash of terror crosses her face. "It's that why she's here? For revenge?"

I quickly move my hands to her knees, preventing her from jumping up and storming back to that tent, and shake my head. "No, she's not. She's not here to fight us. Any of us. She didn't even remember us, or herself for that matter, until she got here."

"So why did you bring her here?"

"Because we need her. Lexa and I. We need her."

Madi sits up. "And so you need us, too. How exactly?"

I brush my palms together, then bob my head towards the camp. "They both need to stay here for the night, in that tent, without anyone knowing. Or bothering them."

"What about you?" she asks.

"I'll go and find Lexa. Stay with her in the woods. I'll come back tomorrow to get them and bring them back home... somehow."

"You can't stay in the woods. It's not safe!"

"You know she doesn't want to be seen," I disregard her worries, "And I'm not leaving her there alone."

"Then we'll sneak her in," Madi determines. "You find her, then come back after dark. You can stay in the loading space, the one you can acces from the back. I'll make sure the door is open."

I hesitate. "I don't know, there might be people wandering around."

"I make sure they're at the camp. I call for a briefing, let's say in half an hour?" Leaning in to closely look into my eyes, she takes my hands. "Clarke, please don't stay out there!"

Defeated once again, I sigh. "I'll try."

With that promise I get up and make my way to the deeper part of the woods. As I'm trying to find the correct spot I suddenly realize it was only yesterday I was running here as well, about to find Lexa... who wasn't there. What if today is the same?

Somewhat to my relief it turns out there's no need to worry. She's there. Waiting for me. Finding her place in my arms as soon as she gets the chance.

"What happened? Is she okay?" Her warm breath hits my neck.

"Yeah, she is," I tell her, holding her close for just a little longer. "My mom was able to help her. But that's not everything. Luna, she... she remembered!"

Lexa frees herself from my embrace, her eyes wide open. "She did? How? Did she meet Octavia?"

"Shortly, yes. But nothing happened there. Not even a hint of recognition. Turned out it wasn't Octavia we needed. It was Raven."

"Raven?!"

"Which makes sense, actually," I continue, as a grin sneaks up on my face. "See, we were thinking about the last person, but I think it's not about that. I think it's about the person who means something. Who's important to you."

Slowly Lexa's lips turn into a smirk, telling me she must be thinking the same thing I am. "Like you are to me," she grins.

I take her hand. "Could that be it?"

"That must be it," she nods, "Cause you mean the world to me."

She pulls me in for another hug before I can say anything, and for a little while we just stand there, in silence and rapture.

"Come on," I say when I finally break our embrace, "I got us a place to sleep, in the back of the ship. It will be safe."

Going in a big circle around the glade, and hidden by the shadows of the trees, we sneak to the dropship where we hide in the bushes until it's completely dark. That's when we look around for a final check and quickly cross the open space between us and our shelter.

The heavy door opens with a pull of the lever and closes behind us with a firm push. There's a lock switch on the inside. There's also light, running on the generator, but it's connected to a small warning light on the control panel which might draw someone's attention. Madi must have realized that as well, cause she left three oil lamps, together with some blankets, food, and a basin with soap water.

A laugh escapes me.

"What?" Lexa asks, a curious frown furrowing her brow.

I tilt my chin towards the basin. "Madi," I grin, "When she was just with me, she loved running around bare feet. So we had this rule: 'You can get as dirty as you want by day, but your bed stays clean. We might be the last two people on earth, but we're still not animals.'"

She smiles at me, in that controlled but oh so genuine way, with only one corner of her mouth slightly moving, yet with her eyes lighting the room. "You raised her well."

"I tried," I shrug, and then we both laugh.

I pick up the lamps and light them one by one. As soon as they spread their typical, warm glow through the room, I turn around and switch off the light. There. We're out of sight.

Spreading the blankets on the floor, I create us an improvised bed. When I look up again I see Lexa standing by the basin, her back turned to me. She has taken off her shirt and washes herself with the sponge. I go stand behind her and let my finger glide over her spine.

"Your tattoo... it's gone."

"Born with a clean slate," she mumbles, almost underneath her breath.

I reach forward and take the sponge from her. Without a word I unhook her bra, exposing the skin underneath, and start to rub her back - slowly, like we've got all the time in the world. Which we do.

When I'm sure I got every inch of her back I move the sponge to her shoulder, then leisurely stroke it down all the way to her fingertips. She lifts her hand, stretches her fingers, welcomes and accepts me. Our hands for a moment lost in a silent dance.

As I finally switch to the other arm, I wipe her hair to the side with my free hand and brush my lips against the hollow of her neck. There's no scar. No sign of her ever carrying the flame.

It doesn't make her any less her.

I taste her skin. Her typical sweet and salty skin. Inhale her scent that's still so distinctively her, despite the heavy smell of soap that's now surrounding her. And, as she slowly turns around, drown in the green of her eyes like I've done so many times before.

"You're still you," I whisper.

Without taking my eyes off hers I lay my hands on her shoulders and let her bra slide off her arms. In the same pace as before I gently wash her chest, her breasts, her rib cage, before lowering myself to press a soft kiss on the smooth, unharmed skin of her belly. There's no blood this time. Just goosebumps.

"I'm glad you got to leave the bad behind."

She doesn't answer. Instead she makes me stand up and slips her fingers underneath the hem of my tank top. I raise my arms above my head. The top finds its way next to her bra within seconds.

Lexa takes the sponge from me, rinses it and starts washing Yumiko's dried blood from my hands and arms. She takes her time, like I just did, and I let her. Why wouldn't I? When she moves her wet hand to the sensitive skin around my belly button I shiver.

She looks up through her lashes. "Cold?"

I shake my head.

It doesn't take long before my bra hits the ground and her fingers find the button of my pants. As her eyes cross mine again I can tell she hesitates. I show her a small, reassuring smile, then pull her in for another kiss. With our lips connected she continues undoing my pants, before slowly sliding it down.

To step out of it I try to kick off my shoes without breaking our kiss. It's a hopeless attempt. Besides, Lexa already kneels down to help me out and, as it turns out, to wash my feet, my calves, my thighs, in the way she did before - exploring every part of me and slowly making her way back up again.

I try to stay patient, but my hand, now lightly resting on the top of her head, gives me away. I start to fidget, and when it takes too long, even pull. When she rises to her feet there's a smile lingering on her lips that tells me I don't have to worry. She has just started.

She reaches behind her and grabs the towel that's next to the basin. She dries me off, ever so slowly once again, then hands it to me to return the favor.

The next step is not hard to guess. As the towel finds its way to the growing pile on the floor our mouths find each other again. It's just a few steps to the spread out blankets, but we manage to lose more clothes along the way. All our clothes, to be exact.

As soon as we lie down, we find ourselves in an embrace, in an exploration of hands and lips, in a renewed discovery of each other's body, while our breathing is quickly losing control.

I want this to last for ever, but despite my clouded brain I can tell it won't. After all this time, all this build up, we're just too impatient. Too eager. When Lexa's fingers find their way to my throbbing core I know I'm down for the count.

She touches me, strokes me, electrifies me in a way no one else ever has, and no one else ever can. A deep moan escapes me. Throwing my head back I stretch and arch my back. She doesn't allow this distance between us though. Without pulling back she moves up, maneuvering her arm underneath my head, and tilting it towards her.

"Stay with me," she breathes, our mouths now only an inch away from each other.

Unable to control it, my body keeps writhing underneath her touch, but she manages to keep me close. To keep our eyes connected in those short moments between my heavy panting. God, I love how strong she is.

Gasping for the little air between us I raise my hips to meet her hand, to claim more pressure. She gives me what I want, and more, as she also increases the speed of her fingers. That's when I fall, over the edge, into a deep, mind-blowing bliss that keeps the world from turning.

Hardly able to breathe I slowly open my eyes to gaze into hers, as she's hovering above me. Her eyes blazed with love and passion. Her lips forming the most beautiful smile.

"You okay?"

I just nod. I'm more than okay.

For the first time since I lost her I feel like I'm alive again.

... ...


	10. Lexa | Alicia

We wake up in each other's arms. Just like we did the other four times we woke up this night. But unlike all previous moments we don't lose ourselves in passionate kisses and endless lovemaking this time.

Morning has come.

I blink against the bright light that enters through the small skylight. With my cheek still resting on her chest, the steady beat of her heart underneath my ear more comforting than anything else, I can feel how she softly presses her lips on top of my head.

A smile creeps on my face, the subtle graze of my lips against her bare skin giving me away, and making her chuckle.

"What?"

"Nothing," I mumble.

She gently lifts my chin with her forefinger, making me look at her. Her brows draw together as she narrows her eyes.

"Nothing?" she echoes. "With you it's never nothing."

I mirror her grin, then lower my head again, as I already miss her warmth.

"Some things are better left unsaid," I hum. "So the universe can't screw it up. You know, start throwing curve balls."

Clarke starts raking her fingers through my hair. "You really believe the universe has ears?"

"I wouldn't be surprised," I shrug.

With her hand still gently stroking me, she seems to give it some thought, before resolutely breaking our silence.

"Well, I don't!" she states, making me look up at her again. "I'm just gonna say it: I'm happy. Right now, I'm happy. You make me happy," she goes on. "And I know there's a whole lot of scary shit around the corner. I know a future can be over before it begins. Boy, do I know! But if it taught me one thing, it's to really live in those moments that matter. To really feel them, and acknowledge them. Savor and cherish them. Cause in a world like this, moments count."

Lost for words, I blankly stare at her. I know she's right. I'm just... not there yet.

And she knows. As she suddenly rolls us both over so I'm on my back, with her hovering over me, she brushes a lock of hair off my forehead and stares deeply into my eyes. "You feel it, don't you? Here?" Her hand moves to my heart, then to my stomach. "And here?"

I just nod.

Her smile returns. "Good. Then, with your approval, I'll say it for you."

I nod again.

"You are happy, too. You are. And you're allowed to be. You deserve to be. Whatever happened. And whatever will happen next." She leans in to kiss me, tenderly, before continuing with her lips still close to mine, "This night was ours - ours alone. So is this moment. No bullet, no sword, no death can take that away from us."

She kisses me again and this time I don't give her the chance to pull back. Pulling her closer I deepen our kiss, savoring the moment like she told me to. When we break apart after all, our eyes lock again. That's when I finally find my voice back. Kind of, at least.

"I love you, Clarke Griffin," I whisper breathlessly.

Her beaming smile makes me gasp for air.

She slowly brings her hand to my face and strokes my cheekbone with the tip of her finger. "I love you, Lexa kom Trikru," she softly breathes, while she reaches my jawline and starts following its contours, her thumb now grazing over my lips ever so lightly. " _And_ I love you, Alicia-"

She abruptly falls quiet.

"Clark," I help her out, with little success as I make her look even more confused instead.

"Yes?"

"No, not you. Me!" I giggle - highly aware that I'm ruining the moment right now. "Alicia Clark, that's my name."

For a few seconds she just stares at me. Then she cracks up laughing. "Are you kidding me?"

"I wish I was," I snort as well, and with that we're ready to leave the sentiment behind us for now and start this brand new day. Still shaking her head in amazement Clarke sits up.

"Let's find Luna. See how she's doing, and make a plan for today."

I follow her example and look around, taking in the mess we made last night.

"How did she take it?" I ask.

"Not well," she sighs as she leaves the blankets that make our bed - or what's left of it - and starts dressing herself. I know I should do the same, but right now I'd rather watch her. "She wasn't too happy remembering herself. Even less remembering us."

"She's angry?"

Clarke doesn't get the chance to answer. A sudden, rhythmic knocking makes us both look at the door, though she noticeably less startled than me.

"Madi," she deduces, "I taught her how to tell me her name in morse code."

She stoops, picks up my clothes from the floor and throws them at me. Without leaving my spot I quickly put on my panties and shirt, then pull the sheet over my bare legs since Clarke is already opening the door. It's not Madi though.

Luna steps in, raising her hands in some reassuring white flag kind of gesture, or just an apologie maybe, since the entire scene doesn't leave much to the imagination. She quickly closes the door behind her.

"Madi told me where to find you, and how to get in," she explains. "Some kid you got there!"

"How's Yumiko?" Clarke asks her.

Luna shows her a weak smile - the first one I'm witnessing, I realize, at least in this lifetime. "She's alright. She can't really walk yet, but it looks like she'll be fine."

Clearly relieved, Clarke exhales and relaxes her shoulders. "Great. Now let's make a plan-"

"We already have a plan," Luna interrupts her, "We're going home. Today!"

"You just said she can't walk yet," I frown.

"That's right. That's why you and I are going to find a car." She turns to Clarke without waiting for my response. "I want you to stay with Miko, prepare her for the trip."

I jump up, drawing her attention again. "Why should we look for a car? There's not a drop of gasoline left on this entire planet!"

"Well, luckily for us, our new friends brought a whole new stock from outer space. Madi gave us two cans - two gallons of liquid gold to bring us home," she refutes my point as she looks at me again, her eyes now on my legs. "So chop-chop, lover girl, put on your pants. We've got an appointment at the dealership!"

Unable to keep from laughing I shake my head. "You haven't changed a bit, have you?"

She glances at Clarke, then back at me. She doesn't join my laughter. "I have, actually, and you should be glad about that," she grumbles. "Now, come on, we don't have all day."

I swiftly put on the rest of my clothes, kiss Clarke goodbye and follow Luna outside. There are two cans of gasoline at the door. She picks them up, shoves one in my hands and disappears between the trees without waiting for me. I quickly run after her.

"Luna, wait!"

"Magna," she replies without slowing down. When I'm almost caught up with her, she looks at me over her shoulder. "Luna is dead. Let's leave her there."

A sorrowful sigh escapes me. "I get it. Clarke told me what happened. But..." I lay my hand on her shoulder, yet she shakes it off like it's burning her.

"But nothing! You wanna hang on to the past? Fine, your choice. But I won't." Without blinking she draws her knife and stabs a legless Walker that's blocking our way. As soon as she pierces his skull, silence returns - with the exception of the soft rustle of the wind in the trees. "Bringing the dead back to life has done no one any good. I'm not gonna add one to it."

I look at the gross puddle of human brains at my feet. The days that this made me hurl are far behind me. Still, it's not a pretty sight.

"Please, don't compare yourself with... them," I sigh.

Luna - or Magna, I correct myself - steps over the mutilated half-body on the ground and continues her way. I rush to keep up with her.

"Listen, I know things are different for you. That you've got people from back then to hang on to," she says as soon as I'm next to her again, her voice a little milder now. "I don't blame you for that."

We reach the main road and keep following it for a few minutes in silence, before I turn my head to look at her again. "You're not going to help us, are you?"

"What makes you think that?"

"Because you're mad," I raise my shoulders in some half-shrug. "I don't know exactly what happened between you and them, but you seem to have quite some reasons to hate their guts."

Magna moves the heavy can from one hand to the other and wipes her hair from her face. "You're right. They hardly deserve my forgiveness. Let alone my help."

"And with Clarke being one of them...?" I don't finish my question.

She stops walking in the middle of the road, taking me by surprise by the abruptness. "Clarke is with you," she states the obvious. "And you- well, you are you. You and I grew up together. We were both doomed by our blood. Killing my brother was the worst thing I ever had to do, but I knew that killing my sister would top that."

I stay quiet, let her talk.

"We never saw each other again after I fled. But I had my spies in Polis. I heard what I needed to hear. You were the one who refused to track me down. You let me live. Don't think I ever forgot about that!"

"Well, except for the last hundred and thirty years," I blurt out chuckling. Regretting it straight away I'm about to bite my tongue, but then I see that I don't have to: I actually made her laugh! 

"Well, yeah, except for that," she smirks.

I raise my brows. "So, you're saying what? That I'm important to you?"

"Believe me or not, but yeah," she shrugs. "You are."

"Not as important as Raven, though?" I wink.

The palm of her hand hits my shoulder before I can dive to avoid it, making me stumble backwards. "Shut up," she grumbles, "How was I supposed to recognize you? You aren't exactly twelve anymore!"

"Yeah, let's leave it at that," I laugh as I start walking again, having her following me for a change, albeit just for a second. "And hey, there must have been  _some_  recognition, right? During that fight yesterday?"

"That was some long-lost routine, indeed!" she smiles at the recollection.

I open my mouth, about to point out that it really wasn't _all_ that bad, but I change my mind as I don't want to push it. Besides, we need to get back to business as we just happen to find a car on the roadside, its key still in the ignition. Of course it doesn't work.

We use about half of a can to see if it solves the problem, which it does, before filling it up with the rest of the gas. With Magna behind the wheel and me in the passenger seat we make our way back to Madi's camp.

"You haven't answered my question yet," I remind her when we're almost there.

She turns her head. "You want to know if I'm going to help you?"

"Yes. Me  _and_  Clarke?"

"I am," she nods, "You  _and_  Clarke. And the kid, if she wants any help. I mean, she was just out of diapers when this whole thing was happening. Can't really blame her for anything."

"How about Raven?" I can't help but tease, drawing a deep sigh from her.

"You really can't stop, can you?" she murmurs, before briefly looking at me once more. She takes in a long breath. "Okay, fine, whatever. If she'd ever be in need, yes, I'll help her, too. Of course I would... But the rest of them can rot in hell!"

I answer her grumpy face with a playful grin. "Fair enough," I nod. "Now, let's return to the present. There are some people waiting for us!"

Magna stops the car. From here it should be less than a mile, which we'll have to walk.

We do so without facing any problems and before we know it we're back at the glade. When Magna crosses it to get the others, my mind wanders off to the day of our conclave. The day she ran away. What if she hadn't? Would I have fought her? Killed her when I got the chance? I probably would. Even though she was my friend - my family. I would have done it, cause nothing was more frightening than not doing it.

They called her a coward, but the truth is I wasn't half as brave as she was.

And now she's about to save me again.

Sooner than I'd expected the three of them show up, with Yumiko leaning on Clarke and Magna for support.

"No Madi?" I carefully ask.

Clarke shakes her head with sorrow in her eyes. I don't ask any more questions.

The car is waiting where we left it. This time Magna climbs in the back, together with Yumiko, who rests her head on Magna's lap. I dangle the keys in the air.

"You got your license?"

Clarke forces a smile. "Just years of experience in a 4x4. It's okay, you drive."

The drive back to Hilltop, as we learn the settlement is called, takes about an hour. We don't talk much. Clarke keeps staring out of the window, her face clouded with sadness. I rest my hand on her knee and she covers it with hers, telling me without any words that it isn't me. I wish it was though. Then at least I could do something to make her feel better...

"You two wait here," Magna speaks up when I stop the car in front of the gate. "I'll try to find our leaders, ask them to come and talk to you. Come on, babe."

She helps Yumiko out of the car and through the gate, while Clarke and I get out as well and take a seat on the hood. I look to my side.

"You're okay?"

"Not really," Clarke sighs, before looking back at me. She bites her lip and I can tell she's trying to smile again. "But I will be."

I caress her back. "We're not giving up. You hear me? Her home is with you."

"With us," she corrects me.

Smiling for the two of us, I nod. "With us. And it's going to be right there."

We both look at the closed gate. The gate that's between us and our future.

"You think it's gonna work? She's gonna help us?"

I cock my head. "I think she's gonna try. Let's hope that will be enough."

Right then the gate opens again. Magna walks towards us, together with the woman we met two days ago. Tara, if I remember correctly. When they're getting closer they slow down, both looking over their shoulder to the man who apparently came along with them, but now lingers at the gate. He doesn't move. Instead, he just stares at us.

"Jesus, come on, let's just hear them out," Tara tells him.

It gets him in motion, but not for long. After only five steps, he stops again.

"I'm not talking to her," he states, his voice cold and determined. 

His eyes are on me. There's no doubt about that. But why? Have we met before?

I don't recognize him, even though he has quite a striking appearance. He has long, light-brown hair, tied in a knot, and a beard. He looks strong. Not so much muscular, but athletic. I reckon he's around thirty, thirty-five maybe. I can't imagine we shared the playground together.

He takes another step forward. "She doesn't get anything from me," he tells Tara, before looking straight at me again. "You took enough already!"

My mind keeps racing. He doesn't seem like someone I'd easily forget. Then again, I met so many people these past few years, it would be a miracle if I'd remembered them all. Maybe it was in Mexico, at the hotel. Or in Texas, at the stadium? Or at the dam perhaps?

Catching us all off guard he suddenly closes the distance between us, until he's only three feet away from me. Without blinking, his eyes are peering into mine.

"You have know idea, do you?"

"I- I don't," I stammer, "You're sure we know each other?"

"Oh, I'm sure," he slowly bobs his head. "Maybe you should dig a little deeper... _Heda!?_ "

... ...


	11. Jesus | ??

"Alright, keep practicing," I tell Gage as I wave at Magna to tell her I'll be right there. I pick up my coat, put it back on and leisurely walk toward her. The moment I get to her, Tara arrives from the other side.

"What's up?" we ask simultaneously.

"I was wrong," Magna jumps straight to it, her eyes moving between the two of us. "About our campers out there. I didn't remember right away, but I do now. I  _do_  know a bunch of them. And I think we should give them a chance."

Tara frowns. "You know how strange that sounds, right?" she asks, her voice full of suspicion. "You were pretty convincing before, about not knowing them. I mean, if they did anything to change your mind, if they are threatening you-"

"They are not! I just- I'd forgotten about them. It's been a really,  _really_ long time since we saw each other. We were different people back then. Like... very young... and all."

"So you shared a swing set in kindergarten," I shrug, "How's that helping us today? What do they even have to offer?"

Shifting from one foot to the other Magna draws in a deep breath. "Well, to start with, a kick-ass SWAT truck?"

My co-leader rolls her eyes. "In a world without gasoline? Useless!"

"They've got weapons. And a few real good fighters. Who I prefer to have on our sight, when it comes to it," she tries again.

We stay quiet.

"And beer..."

Tara's face lights up in an instant. "For real?"

Now Magna's the one to raise her shoulders. "Evidently, yeah."

Leaning in a bit, Tara looks at me. "Maybe we should give them a chance? You know, hear what they've got to say?"

Unable to suppress a chuckle I shake my head. "I guess you should have started with the beer," I grin at Magna. "Alright then, let's go."

Without another word we make our way to the main gate behind which Magna's long-lost friends are waiting for us. Though not in a hurry we're all walking with a quick pace, yet as soon as the heavy door opens I freeze to the ground.

One look. It only takes one look. One look at a face I've seen so many times before. A face I looked up to, often literally, as one does in the presence of a Commander, standing majestically in front of her thrown.

The memory hits me at full force. It's so strong, so sharp, that it doesn't even confuse me, although at some level I realize it doesn't make sense. But there's no time to ponder on that. I'm already back. Back in the last place I recall. Back in the throne room.

Yet this time she's not there.

She's gone. The throne is empty. And now it's up to me.

I shouldn't have to worry though. I'm prepared. I prepared for this my whole life. She did that. She taught me everything. Sure there were others, but they were just talking. Their words didn't mean anything. It was all her. She made me believe. In myself. In my destiny. In serving this higher purpose.

Such horseshit!

As I watch the massacre around me, watch how this place turns into a bloodbath in the blink of an eye, that's all I can think: such horseshit!

This can't be anyone's destiny. There's no way this can be the fate of any innocent.

The thought paralyzes me. With everyone around me fighting for dear life I just stand there. It isn't until she's coming straight towards me - her blood-drenched sword drawn above her head - that I'm suddenly aware that I'm the last one standing. That this is it.

I clench my fist around the handle of my sword and take a step to the side in an attempt to seek cover behind the throne. I glance at it, just briefly, and realize how for the first time in my life it doesn't give me strength. It doesn't remind me why I'm doing this.

It only makes me angry.

When I try to fight off my attacker, who's so much stronger, so much bigger than me, I don't even see her. All I see is Lexa. Who I loved. Who I trusted. And who put me here to die.

I don't fight for the throne. I fight for my life. But I don't stand a chance. I never did. I see it crystal clear now. Now - as the sharp blade pierces my abdomen.

"Jesus, come on, let's just hear them out!"

Tara's loud voice makes me focus on my surroundings again.

With my eyes stuck on the young woman less than thirty feet away from me, I take a few more steps, until I simply can't anymore. An overwhelming sense of betrayal engulfs me.

"I'm not talking to her," I state. Still staring at this ghost from my past I take another small step. "She doesn't get anything from me!"

I take a quick look at Tara, then force myself to look straight into Lexa's eyes again. Fueled by pain and bitterness I raise my voice, "You took enough already!"

She doesn't say anything. She just sits there. I watch how confusion clouds her face. She doesn't recognize me. For some reason that angers me even more. It awakens me. My body takes over and before I know it I cross the open space between us and stand eye to eye with her. For the first time in all my lifetimes I look down on her.

"You have know idea, do you?"

She shakes her head just slightly. "I- I don't. You're sure we know each other?"

"Oh, I'm sure," I nod without breaking eye-contact. "Maybe you should dig a little deeper...  _Heda!?_ "

The mention of her title makes her gasp. Just for a second, but enough to notice. She's unsure. Unbalanced. Her jaw tightens.

"Did you... Did you fight for me?" she quietly asks me under her voice. "I'm sorry, there were so many, I didn't know every-"

"Oh, I fought for you!" I cut her off harshly. "Not in your army though. Oh no, I was way too young for that. Fighting till death, on the other hand, doesn't know age... does it?"

She blinks, leans forward and peers deep into my eyes, searching for any sign of recognition in the one part of me that hasn't aged.

"A- Aden?" she whispers.

"I was only eleven!"

My sudden outburst makes her flinch. She starts stammering, but I don't want to hear her weak excuses.

"I was just a child," I continue, a little less loud this time.

"A special child!" she corrects me as she quickly sits up straight again. She reaches out her hand, about to rest it on my arm, but I move away to avoid her touch.

"Right. A special child that got zero chance to become a special man. Or any man at all. I need to be grateful for that?"

She heaves a deep, sorrowful sigh. "I know it's not fair. I do, I  _know_. Now more than ever. But Aden, that's how we lived!"

"That's how I died!"

"What was I supposed to do?!"

"You were supposed to protect me!" I cry out, taking a last step forward while I point my finger at her. "You were my Commander. You were the one to keep me safe. If any one could have ended this-"

"No! No, I couldn't!" she exclaims. She shakes her head, more vigorously than before. "There was no choice. I had no choice."

"A Commander always has a choice! You chose culture - ancient history! - over life. You chose to prepare us for death. And the worst thing is you did so by making us believe it was the right thing to do. You made me trust you, worship you, willing to die for you. You know what we call that here? Indoctrination!"

She swallows and averts her eyes to the ground.

"You chose not to save us. Not to save  _me_ ," I unabatedly go on. "Now I'm doing the same."

I turn around and start walking towards the gate without looking back.

 _"Reshop Heda,"_  I call over my shoulder, right before I pass Tara and Magna. "I want you off our grounds before sunrise."

... ...


	12. Clarke

For the first time since I set foot on this planet I really don't know what to do. Or to say.

Jesus - or should I say Aden? - left minutes ago, followed by Luna and Tara. Lexa hasn't said a word since. She hasn't even moved. And so neither have I.

I turn my head to look at her. Her eyes are fixed on nothing. I'm not even sure she realizes I'm still here. Cautious not to scare her I gently lay my hand on her upper arm.

"He's wrong," I quietly tell her, "You know that, right?"

She draws her lips between her teeth, swallows visibly, then slowly faces me.

"Is he?"

"Of course he is!" I cry out, startling myself with my forcefulness. I lower my voice again. "You were the most bold, the most committed and the most caring Commander one could wish for. Always striving for a better world, with less war. Less pain. You were the only one who didn't want to hide behind traditions or culture any longer. Who made people see that it's not always an eye for an eye."

She scoffs. "And yet I didn't do anything to protect those kids." Her voice sounds unrelenting. "I went through the same childhood, survived in the most horrible way, then had to become someone I didn't even want to be. I experienced it - lived it! - and still made them go through the same."

"You cared about them! I've seen it with my own eyes."

"I did," she nods, "Which makes it even worse..."

She jumps off the hood and straightens her back. "He's got every right to hate me."

Without waiting for my response she turns around and starts walking towards the camp. Still unable to move I watch her go. I can see her misery reflected in her defeated stride, in her slumped shoulders. Like she's carrying the weight of the whole world on her shoulders, all by herself. All alone.

Then it hits me.

Taking a sprint I quickly catch up with her. "It wasn't you," I pant, my chest rising and falling as I gasp for air. "You told me yourself. The other Commanders, their voices in your head, being stronger than anything. Insisting-"

"Clarke!"

"No, listen to me! I know you feel guilty, but how can you be when you weren't in control?"

She inhales sharply. "You make it sound like I wasn't me. Tell me this, then. You think it was them who changed Finn's death sentence? You think it was them accepting you as our allies, as our 13th clan?" Taking a step closer she looks deeply into my eyes. "You think it was them who fell in love with you?"

I stare back at her, speechless.

"The Flame tells you to be the best Commander. It reminds you to fulfill your duty. Which is why I knew Madi would never leave. How to be that Commander, that's up to you, though. I'm not blaming anyone else for my decisions. And neither should you.  _I_  failed those kids. I let them down. That's something I'll have to live with."

I feel conflicted. It hurts to see her this upset, this angry with herself, but I can't help feeling a little proud as well that she doesn't shirk away from her responsibility. I realize she doesn't want me to say anything to make her feel better. So instead I take a deep breath, force a small yet sad smile and just nod.

She takes my hand and gives it a light squeeze. "Come on," she sighs, "We've got less than twenty-four hours to come up with a new plan. We need to find the others."

Our camp looks the way we left it, except that it seems deserted now. It isn't though. As soon as we reach the campfire spot in the middle Al and Strand appear from both sides.

"You're back!" Strand welcomes us.

"We are," Lexa grins, although her eyes don't match her smile. "Where is everyone? They aren't looking for us, are they?"

Al shakes her head. "No, they're not. We found your note. They're just scavenging." She closes the distance between us, continuing in a soft voice, "You did got me worried though."

Lexa takes a seat on one of the logs. "You really didn't had to. At least not about our trip."

"What's going on?" Strand asks, his forehead creasing into a frown as he squats down. When Al sits down as well I don't hesitate to do the same. Lexa briefly glances at me, inhales and nods like she's telling 'here we go', then looks at her friends again.

"Okay, I'm just gonna say it. We can't stay here. We have to be gone before the break of day."

She shares the news in one long breath. For a moment the others just stare at her.

"But... why?" Al questions, "Did we do something to piss them off?"

"You didn't," Lexa reassures her, "And neither did Clarke!" she quickly adds when they're both suddenly looking at me. "Look, it's me. I know a few of them from a long time ago, and-"

"Lexa!"

Luna's voice makes us all look up. As she makes her way towards us Strand frowns again.

"Alright, that's the second time someone calls you that. What's up with that?"

Lexa opens her mouth, but no words come out.

"You didn't know she's actually called Alexa? Lexa for short?" I come to her rescue, "Huh, I'd think she would have told you somewhere over the years."

"Y- Yeah," Lexa stammers, her eyes meeting Luna's who's now joining us, "It's true. I just... I always hated that name. So I changed it into Alicia when I was twelve. She doesn't know any better," she goes on with her eyes still on Luna, before directing them at me, "And she's just a big tease."

Acting along I pull a face and shrug. "I just got a thing for the past."

Luna sits down on the ground with us. "Right, of course - Alicia. Sorry about that!" she starts as she stifles a laugh, " I uhm, I talked to Jesus."

Lexa jerks up her head. "Did he change his mind?"

"No. He just clarified that he was only talking about you. You need to go. The rest can stay."

Deeply exhaling, Lexa stares at her feet. She doesn't say anything.

"You gotta know, Jesus... he's not like this," Luna carries on. "He's a good guy. Friendly. Fair. And merciful. So whatever happened between the two of you must have really hurt him."

"It did. And I  _am_  to blame. So I will go," Lexa sighs, breaking my heart as she does so. I rest my hand on her knee.

" _We_  will go," I tell them.

Strand stands up and stretches his legs, groaning since he's been kneeling down for too long. "I have no clue what you guys are talking about, but if you're going, I'm going."

Lexa thanks him with a grateful smile, but before she can speak up Luna comes in between.

"Well, here's the thing. I might know a place where you could go - Tara just told me about it. But they have a women-only policy." She looks up at Strand, apology shining through in her eyes.

Al leans forward. "There must be other safe places you know of..?"

"Yes, I know two more," Luna nods, "They're up north. But Hilltop works closely with them. All together, we're like one big community. Jesus will not allow you to go there."

I shift in my seat, then turn towards Lexa. "What do you think?"

"I don't know," she shakes her head slowly before looking up again, her eyes now on her friends. "I lost one family already. I don't think I can lose another."

Now Strand's the one to show her a smile, warm and caring. "I hear you, girl. But for now it all comes down to safety. It's pretty clear there's nothing in this whole wide area, nowhere to be safe. The dead are in the majority. And then there are these clowns with their masks. We gonna need an army to defeat them!"

"What are you saying?" Lexa asks him.

"I'm saying we need all the safety we can get. If you can get in there, and we can get in here, then we live. We live, and we become part of a bigger world, and we become strong enough to fight whoever we need to fight. We survive and... and..."

"...we meet again," I complete his sentence.

He nods. "And we meet again."

Lexa heaves another sigh. "I don't know," she murmurs again, before looking at Luna. "Where exactly is this place?"

Luna takes a stick off the ground and sweeps the leaves aside with her foot. She draws a cross in the sand. "Okay, we're here. About seventy miles southwest of DC." She writes the letters down, followed by two more small crosses close to the D. "These are our other communities, so let's call that the wrong direction for now. This area in the middle is even more no-go, as it's claimed by the Whisperers."

She swiftly moves the stick through the soil, indicating a rather large area.

I raise my brows. "Weren't we there this morning?"

"Yes, right here," Luna nods, drawing another small cross, about twenty miles north from Hilltop. "Now as you can see you don't want to go in that direction. Oceanside, on the other hand, is somewhere... here!" She draws an O, southeast of Hilltop, and too far away from it for my liking.

Lexa seems to read my mind. "Seems far away," she mumbles.

"According to Tara, about eighty miles. A day ride. Or a three day hike... at least," Luna confirms my suspicion. She throws the stick to the side. "It's not next door, but not the end of the world either."

I swallow. It is when you've got a kid a hundred miles away.

Without a word Lexa suddenly gets up. I tilt my head and follow her with my eyes as she starts pacing back and forth. She looks pensive.

"I think you should do-"

"No!" she harshly interrupts Al, yet with her eyes back on Luna. "It's too far, and in the wrong direction. I'm sorry, I appreciate you trying to help, but it's not an option."

I jump to my feet before anyone can fight her on this. Grabbing her by the elbow I pull her along with me, until we're out of hearing distance.

"You're thinking about Madi, aren't you?" I quietly ask her.

"Of course I am!" she exclaims, though also beneath her breath. "About Madi, and about you. You can't be that far apart from each other. I won't let that happen. If we want to get her back-"

"Lexa, we are not getting her back! Not any time soon. No matter where we are. That's a fact we have to accept. A fact  _I_  have to accept." A sad sigh escapes me. "She made her choice. And even though I don't particularly like that choice, I am proud of her for making it. For knowing what she wants, and acting to it. You know, people tell me she's like me, but to be honest she's way more like you. If I didn't know any better..."

I wink and finally get her to laugh for a moment.

"I think Strand is right," I go on without joking, "We all need to be safe for now. And we need to remember that Madi is okay, even though she's in this... this Whisperer territory. She  _is_  safe. Cause she's got an army of Grounders to protect her. Who are real warriors. Those folks here are nothing compared to them! You know that. She's got Indra by her side. And a huge arsenal of weapons from the Eligius those people here can only dream about. Truth is, if anyone can defeat those assholes, it's Madi."

"So you'll have her go to war while we drink piña colada's at the beach?"

I shake my head. "No. I'm going to build her a home. Make sure she actually has something to fight for. With the choice she made not to leave them, and the choice you made not to join them, that's really all I can do."

She squints at me. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

"I am," I nod as I tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, "But only if you're with me."

Her eyes drift off to the camp. To her friends with whom she has traveled and lived with for so long. When she turns to me again she slowly bobs her head. "I'm with you. Of course I'm with you."

"Then let's tell Luna," I smile, secretly a little relieved.

Lexa lowers her chin, widening her eyes. "Magna," she corrects me.

"Right! Magna! Magna, Magna, Magna! I really need to get that into my system," I smirk as I pull her close to me. "Can I still call you Lexa, though?"

"You can call me anything you want," she hums, "But I prefer Baby, Gorgeous or, you know... the Greatest Love of Your Life."

My laughter is cut off by her lips.

When we break apart I take her hand in mine. Together we join the small group again.

"We'll go to Oceanside," my indeed Greatest Love tells Magna(!). "How will we find it?"

She gets up. "I'll ask Tara to draw a map - a real one," she grins, "And I'll go with you. Yumiko and I both will."

"Yumiko? No, we can't ask her to walk that far," Lexa calls out, wide-eyed.

Magna smiles at her. "She can do it, trust me. By tomorrow it's been two days. The stitches will hold, right?"

I nod. They will.

"We can use the car, it will bring us at least halfway before it's empty again," she goes on. "Maybe I can get us a horse as well."

Lexa lets go of my hand and takes a step towards her old friend. "You really don't have to c-"

"I told you I'd help you, didn't I?" Magna cuts her off.

Lexa's lips curve into a thankful smile.

I step forward as well and lightly rest my hand on Lexa's lower back. "So it's four of us?"

"Five," Al speaks up before anyone can confirm my question. "I will come, too."

Taken by surprise, we all stare at her.

"You are?" Lexa asks in astonishment.

"Hell yeah," Al laughs, "Being around saves me from worrying. Plus it's all women there, right? I bet they've got a great story to tell!"

... ...


	13. Lexa | Alicia

It's still dark when we meet at the gate, right where we left the car the other day. Magna and Yumiko are already waiting for us. And they're not alone. They brought two horses with them.

"These are yours?" I ask in wonder.

"We borrowed them," Yumiko explains while stroking the horse's neck, "with the promise to bring them back. Whenever that will be."

Clarke steps forward. "How's your leg?" she checks like a true physician.

"Much better, thank you," Yumiko smiles at her. Magna lays her hand on her girl's shoulder.

"Although she's healing well, we figured more rest can't harm. So Miko will take the car till it runs out of gas. To avoid overburdening the leg, and friction from the saddle."

"Then again, riding is still better than walking. So as soon as the car is useless I'll jump on," Yumiko adds.

Magna looks at me. "You still remember how to ride?"

I scoff. "I remember quite well. My butt on the other hand..."

We all laugh, and with that it seems decided that Magna and I will ride the horses for the first part. Magna shows us the map she asked Tara to draw. With the amount of gasoline left in the tank we reckon we can make it halfway. Those first forty miles aren't exactly a straight line though.

"Looks like Magna and I can take a lot of shortcuts. Which is good, cause it means you guys can actually drive with normal speed. I'd say we wait here, here and here for each other," I suggest as I circle soms junctions on the map. "When it takes over half an hour to meet up at these points we start looking till we're complete again."

"Sounds like a plan," Al nods. "Let me draw a copy."

While Al duplicates the map Magna, Clarke and I load the car with our backpacks, tent and blankets. With everything in place we're ready to go.

I turn around and gently pat the horse that will be my companion for the next two or so hours. It's my way of getting acquainted before we can give each other our full confidence. A habit that has stuck from my past, I guess. However, before I can mount the animal, I feel a pair of arms tightly wrap around me from behind.

"Stay safe... baby," Clarke tells me in a whisper, her lips close to my ear.

A giggle bursts out of me and I quickly turn around to face her, smiling from ear to ear. I lean in and kiss her. "I will," I promise with my lips still close to hers.

She returns my smile, lets go of me and starts walking towards the car.

"Hey," I call after her. She spins around. "It's gonna be alright, you know?"

Her forehead creases. "What is?"

"Everything! We'll find a place. Build a home. Your family will join us, as will mine - if they want to. Heck, I might even marry you."

"You love me that much, huh?" She takes a step closer, her eyes twinkling as they meet mine.

"Nah... I just really want you to become Clarke Clark," I tease before suddenly pulling her in and locking our lips again. "Yes, you moron, I love you  _that_  much!" I tell her as soon as we break apart. Moving my lips to her ear I whisper, "I always have."

... ...

"I really appreciate you helping us, joining us all the way. Especially since you're leaving a great place behind."

I look to my side, where Magna is riding right next to me. She turns her head and smiles with a nod.

"Well, in all honesty, it's not all just for you," she confesses. "This whole previous-life thing, it's... overwhelming. To say the least. All the emotions, and all the questions on top of that. It just seemed wise to be around someone who's going through the same."

"You've got a point," I agree, "but for that you actually could have stayed right where you were."

She glances at me with a questioning look. I lift my shoulder in a one-sided shrug. "Why do you think Jesus sent me away?"

As we cross an open meadow I tell her about Aden, who she got to know as Jesus, and who now is both of them - in the same idiotic way as we are one with our past. I tell her about our connection back then, and how it's now firing back at me.

"I still haven't figured out why all this is happening to me - to  _us_. But the encounter with Jesus got me thinking... maybe it's some kind of karma? You know, what goes around comes around?"

"Hm, I don't think that's what it is," Magna murmurs. "If it were I'm pretty sure I'd be an armadillo bug now."

I want to laugh, but I stop myself when I see she isn't joking.

"I don't know," she goes on, "It feels like we've been given a fresh start. At least that's what it looks like. Don't know about you, but I wasn't born with a giant hole in my torso. I'm not even a Nightblood anymore. Are you?"

I shake my head. I'm not.

I let her words sink in. It's true that we left a part of ourselves behind. But it feels like I took the bigger part with me.

"How about the memories," I muse out loud. "The fact that we recall who we were? And what we did? That doesn't sound like a common reincarnation thing - which I'm not even sure I believe in. And it definitely doesn't feel like a fun bonus, since it wasn't exactly all beer and skittles back then."

"You think we remember it all for a reason?" she wonders, raising her brows.

"Maybe? What if that's what it's actually about? Having to deal with the bad stuff - the memories, the darkness, the consequences of our choices? We never got the chance to make things right, as our lives ended so abruptly. Not just for others, but not for ourselves either. We never got to feel it... to live with it."

"That wouldn't explain Aden's comeback, would it? He sounded pretty innocent to me?"

A sigh escapes me. "You're right. I can't think of a reason why he would deserve this... this... punishment."

We reach a stream and stay quiet for a moment while we cross it, as it turns out to be a little deeper than it looked like at first sight. We make it to the other side with dry feet though.

"Maybe it doesn't have to be a punishment," Magna continues when we're back on the shore. "Maybe there's not even a higher purpose? It might just be about second chances. About coming to terms with whatever we need to deal with. Whether as a perpetrator or as a victim."

"So we can actually live  _this_ life without any burden?" I question.

She shrugs. "Well, dwelling in the past never helps. The sooner you can leave it all behind..."

"You think it really works like that?" I ask her, "Like, when you decided to distance yourself from Luna, to simply state she's gone, did that help you to turn that switch?"

Moving her eyes to the path in front of us she draws in a long breath, then blows out her cheeks. "No," she admits. "As much as I want to stick my head in the sand I know there are a few things I have to face. I just don't know how yet. Also, I can't help but wonder..."

She falls quiet.

"What?" I cautiously ask.

She looks at me again, briefly. There's this sadness in her eyes I haven't seen before.

"Do you... Do you think my brother is somewhere out here as well?"

Her question surprises me. I hadn't thought about the possibility yet.

"Honestly? I don't know. But yeah, maybe. I mean, it's three of us already. All ending up in the same area. So, sure... who knows."

"Guess it would be impossible to find him though," she sighs. "He might be aged, like Jesus. Or-" Her eye catches a walker, tide to a tree and deliriously biting at the air. "Or look like him."

As we pass the undead I smash his brain with my gun barrel, releasing him from his inhumane, endless sentence.

"No, let's not go there! If he's here indeed, and he's anything like you, I'm sure he's doing alright," I tell her. "But I think you're right, looking for him would be useless. This world is too big, and he could simply be anybody."

She nods, and as our eyes meet again a small smirk appears on her face. "Plus there's the fact of us heading towards an all-female hideout."

"Plus there's that," I grin in response.

"Or at least that's the plan," she goes on as she points in the distance, where a four feet high wall is blocking our way. She looks at me defiantly. "You think you can handle that one?"

I answer her by spurring on my horse and galloping straight towards the barrier. "Meet you on the other side," I call over my shoulder, and when I make the jump I realize that's exactly what happened with us - and I'm really, really glad it did.

... ...

We were right: the car ran out when we were almost halfway. As soon as it did we put a part of our luggage, like the blankets and tent, on the horses and strapped our backpacks on. The easy part was over.

Forty miles by foot takes about six time as long as it does by car. So we were up for at least twelve to fourteen hours, more if we'd run into trouble. We walked with hardly no breaks and covered a large part all together, but besides the fact that darkness fell, we all had to admit that our legs (and butts) were done with it.

Luckily we found an abandoned building that had once been a small shop, and which offered us a safe place to sleep (and also - finally - a few new clothes for Clarke).

After a good night's sleep, we started part two this morning. Just like yesterday, Yumiko rides on one horse and the rest of us takes turns riding the other. That is, the rest of us except for Al. She refuses to climb on it because, as it turned out, she once fell off one.

Thinking back of the moment she confessed her fear yesterday I can't help but laugh again.

"You know I kind of thought you weren't scared of anything," I chuckle as I look at my friend who's walking in front of me.

She holds her pace so I can catch up with her, then looks at me. "I'm not scared of horses!" she sets me straight, "I'm just not riding them."

"Sure, whatever," I laugh. "It's funny, isn't it? We've met years ago and there's still so much I don't know about you."

"Ha, and that's coming from you!" she snorts.

I narrow my eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Are you ever going to tell me about her?" she grins, bobbing her head towards Clarke, who's now riding the horse. "Your instant girlfriend who came falling out of the sky just like that?"

"I can imagine it looked like that," I chuckle, understanding her curiosity. "But we actually go far back. We were together before."

"Before the outbreak? I thought you had a boyfriend back then?"

"I did, yes. Matt..." I smile. A feeling of melancholy hits me. It's been a while since I thought of him. I sigh and focus on Al again. "No, I actually met Clarke way before that. We were in some kids club together. Like the Girl Scouts. That's where we met Magna, too."

She looks at me, her eyes full of expectation. The journalist in her wants more. Yet knowing her longer than today I prepared myself for her questions.

"We lost touch during high school, but ran into each other again shortly after the world fell apart - yet before I met Strand. We weren't exactly kids anymore, and we uh... we really hit it off. So to speak. Unfortunately we lost each other soon after. I learned just now that she'd been taken by the army. She's been with them ever since."

I can't believe I'm lying to my friend like this. Especially because Al is always in for a good story and I'm positive she would love the original one - if she could ever believe it. I'm glad that she at least seems to be digging the alternative version as well.

"Those people she was with, they were soldiers?" she asks eagerly, yet with some understandable skepticism in her voice.

"Yes. Well, no, not soldiers like we know soldiers," I go on, trying to remember the story I made up in my head. "They were part of some special division. After the US army has fallen they kept going on, now adjusted to this new world. Going undercover. Aiming to do good by going after the bad. That's why they chose this area, apparently. They're here for the Whisperers. That's all I know. I can't tell you anything more, since Clarke claims she already said too much. It's a secret mission."

Al nods. "I get that. How 'bout that rocket... spaceship... whatever that thing was? How did they get it?"

I put my hand on her shoulder and pull her a bit closer towards me. "Dreamland," I mumble beneath my breath.

"No way!" Al gasps, wide-eyed. "Area 51?! For real?! They got in there?"

I wiggle my brows. If I have to come up with a story it might as well be an entertaining one. Nevertheless I swear to myself right here and right now that one day I'll tell her the truth, and make up for lying in whatever way I can or need to.

"You know what, forget that I even asked," she cries out, "Hearing these kind of stories, now that my camera broke down... it's too much!"

I can't help but laugh. "You can always consider reviving the written press," I joke, bumping my shoulder against her arm in my failed attempted to hit her shoulder.

She playfully pushes me back aside. Frolicking like this we reach the bridge where the others are waiting for us.

"Time to get out those white flags," Magna tells us.

Unlike us, she isn't joking. Tara explained how Oceanside manages to keep the enemy out: they simply kill every stranger that gets to close. And although they are supposed to be on better terms with some other communities these days we don't want to take any risk.

With white rags in our hands we cross the bridge and leave the road to follow the dry river to the east. Somewhere between these trees and the ocean should be a place we might call home. If we make it there alive...

We walk through the nullah in silence, all five of us, with the horses right behind us on their leashes. Despite the fact that we must be getting closer to the coast the forest around us is getting thicker with every few hundred yards, making it more and more difficult to see through the trees. Which is why the young woman in front of us seems to be coming out of nowhere.

"Stop right there!" she tells us in a clear, steady voice.

Magna immediately waves her flag, and we all follow her example. You'd think I'd feel silly, but the rifle she's holding stops me from thinking anything at all.

"We're friends of Tara," Magna starts explaining. She makes sure not to make any unexpected movements. "She wrote a note for Cyndie. You know her?"

"I do," the woman nods, "I am her."

Exhaling in relief, Magna forces a smile. "Great! I've got it right here in my pocket. Can I take it out for you?"

"Yes. Show me from over there, then bring it to me. The rest of you stay there!" Cyndie orders, continuing when Magna slowly walks towards her, "I told Tara to never ever tell anyone about us. So far that's not going great."

She might be pointing a heavy shotgun at us but somehow I like her already.

Cyndie takes the note from Magna, who quickly takes a step backwards, and reads it without giving us the chance to pull a trick on her. When she's done she lowers her hand with the small paper  _and_  the one with the rifle.

"Okay," she nods again, "Any of you know how to fish?"

... ...


	14. Al(thea)

Cyndie took us to her settlement without further questions. Evidently Tara's letter was that convincing. Or maybe she owed her something? Whatever it was, it finally felt as if luck was on our side for once.

The feeling only increased when we actually got to Oceanside, which turned out to be a former beach resort or campground. I don't know, something fun and recreational.

Although they turned it into a small village, with people actually living and working in the various cabins, and with the old swimming pool now serving as a vegetable garden, the whole place still has this cozy, holiday ambiance. Homey, even. An atmosphere I wasn't aware I needed this much until I set foot there. Me - the always yearning for excitement, restless, metropolitan (yet you-can-send-me-anywhere-for-a-story) reporter!

Then again, even without the disastrous outbreak my young and fearless fresh-out-of-college days would be far behind me by now, so perhaps the adventurous missions and bar hopping nights would be, too. Who knows what life would have looked like these days if things hadn't gone to hell?

Anyway, we made it to the compound, where they happened to have one cabin left. The poorest one - of course. Between you and me, a shack would be a better word. But it's still a whole lot more than anything we've had for the past year. It has a roof, decent beds and a small kitchen with a stove. It even has running water.

So far for the good part. It's also the size of a shoebox, while we have to share it with the five of us. And sharing with two couples... not that great.

Cyndie and her friend Rachel, the two leaders, didn't ask us for much in return, except for our contribution. No one stays at Oceanside without a job - with the exception of the few kids that grow up here; they actually go to some kind of school. So the question was: what did we had to offer?

Unfortunately for me they didn't need a journalist. In retrospect it might have been better not to ask them what they  _did_  need, because now I'm part of the fishing team. And unlike Magna, who joined me, I'm not doing that well in, on and around the water.

Where Magna dazzled everyone with her natural fishing skills from the first minute on (I am starting to suspect that she's secretly a mermaid), I fail on every level. It's been a week and I still hardly caught anything. Plus I got seasick twice - barfing and everything - and fell off the boat once. I don't know why I'm not fired yet.

While I've been making a fool of myself, Alicia and Yumiko both joined the hunting squad, and Clarke started helping out at the clinic. Finally, all five of us also help to guard this place, just like everyone else who lives here.

So, I guess it's safe to say that we've all been pretty busy since the day we arrived. Which is certainly something I need to get used to again, but a little to my own surprise it mostly just feels really good. For the first time in forever things seem like they used to... Well, except for the Friday nights that is.

But they even found some kind of alternative for that as well. Cause tonight it's party time in Oceanside!

To celebrate Rachel's birthday they built a bonfire on the beach, and although we're without Jimbo's Beerbos, they managed to organize some good snacks and drinks. With lots of laughter, chit-chat and even a few songs the night really isn't that much different from a night in a bar. A beach bar instead of a Manhattan one, but still...

It's not just funny tales though. Tonight we also get to hear the sad ones. We learn how the fact that there are no men around here has nothing to do with rainbow flags. They used to have plenty of brothers, husbands, fathers and sons around. Until a couple of years ago this group called the Saviors decided to kill every male over the age of ten. Which is why the few boys left are now all between five and fourteen.

The truth about their history leaves us speechless. We're only left with a handful of people, now that the evening is turning into night and with most of the attendees gone (or on watch - like Magna and Yumiko), so our silence is quite dominant. For a short moment the air is only filled with the crackling sound of the fire and the rolling roar of the waves.

"Anyhow, enough with all the misery," Cyndie blurts out, cracking a smile as she looks round at us in her attempt to light the mood. "How about you guys? You've always been friends?"

A snort escapes me. "You wanna tell me how we met?" I ask Alicia, who's sitting on the other side of the fire, whose flames are now less than two feet high.

"You mean how I pretended to be hurt before I almost pierced your throat?" she grins, "I'm not sure if I should, Al."

I mirror her grin. "I also remember some serious wrestling in my truck. Actually still got a scar from that!"

"Ah, the classic foe to friend story," Rachel laughs. "They are always hard to beat!"

Alicia's smirk grows even bigger. "How about the enemy to lover version? I'm not the only one putting knives to people's throats. This one almost slit mine once!"

She wraps her arm around Clarke and pulls her close towards her, showing everyone that whatever happened between them is clearly in the far past.

"You might want to mention how you betrayed me not long before that," Clarke mumbles in a quasi-defensive way, yet unable to hide the beginnings of a smile.

"Yeah, that  _also_  might be a bad idea," Alicia sniggers. She wiggles her brows at her, which seems to be the start of a silent conversation between the two of them I don't necessarily need to witness.

I poke a stick in the fire to stir up the flames and watch the sparks fly up in the sky.

"Well, I think we can all agree that  _not_ always going for the kill works out sometimes. Right, sis?" Cyndie winks at her young companion. "We wouldn't be sitting here with new friends if we had stuck to the rules and killed Tara years ago."

"You mean if you hadn't stopped me?!" Rachel scoffs.

Cyndie spreads her hands. "Well, I didn't wanna say it..." Without waiting for her mate's reaction she raises her glass. "To new friends! And to old one's adding another year to the list!"

We all toast and congratulate the birthday girl.

"Now tell me, how do you even know it's your birthday?" Alicia asks laughing.

Rachel grins. "I don't. I mean, no one has a clue what day it is, right? But that doesn't mean we shouldn't celebrate anymore. So whenever we decide we deserve some fun we pick a night and the next person on the calendar, and we have a party. And hey, as long as it's not snowing it  _could_  be the right day... I'm born in June, you see."

Clarke shakes her head. "I'm really starting to wonder why they got us thinking you're all rough and tough, and not to mess with!"

"Because we are!" Rachel exclaims. "Believe me, you don't wanna fight us! This, what you see here, this is just us behind the scenes."

The sound of laughter rises up again. Nonetheless I can still hear Alicia's voice, quietly asking Clarke if she's ready to move behind the scenes as well. I can only assume Clarke's giggling means yes, especially when they both stand up, together as one.

Mary and Deb, two of my fellow fishing mates, follow their example, as does Rachel. After wishing everyone goodnight the whole bunch leaves the small beach. My gaze only follows my own friends though.

"Does she know?"

Cyndie's voice besides me startles me. For some reason I thought I was the only one left.

"What? Who?!" I stammer.

"Alicia? Does she know you're into her?"

"I- I'm not..." As I stop myself from talking a heavy sigh escapes me. I look heavenward, cursing myself, and shake my head, slowly. "No, I don't think so."

Cyndie shifts in her spot. We'd be facing each other now if I would do the same - which I don't. I do look at her though, from the corner of my eyes. There's a soft, friendly smile on her lips, and despite the fact that I would do anything to lure a potential deadly herd right now, just for the sake of distraction, I catch myself briefly smiling back at her. I make some hopeless, half-shrug gesture.

"So, what's your story?" she asks.

"I thought there was no place for journalists here?" I scoff, laughing.

Her brows arch and she keeps staring at me with those big, brown eyes - eager yet patiently. A dangerous combination.

Feeling more uncomfortable by the minute I clear my throat and shake my head again, before surprising the both of us by suddenly pulling my beanie down, covering at least half of my face. Her laughter sounds warm and genuine, like she actually thinks I'm funny, which is why I don't fight her when she pulls it off again.

"Isn't it weird that no matter how old you are, there are just some things in life that will always make you feel fifteen again?"

I nod in understanding, then turn my head, facing her again.

"I used to be cool, you know?"

"Weren't we all?" she laughs, and I can't help but chuckle along. She tosses the beanie into my lap. "For what it's worth, I still think you're cool. The whole world went down, but you're still standing. You survived.  _You_  did that. Nobody else. And not just by depending on others. I heard about your skills-"

"From whom?"

She cocks her head.

"Alicia..." I mumble.

Leaning forward she pats my knee and smiles again. "I'm just saying you're more than a chick with a crush. And  _way_  more than a chick who can't fish."

I moan. "You heard about that too, huh?"

"I hear everything," she grins. "You want me to find you a better job?"

A deep, relieved sigh escapes me. "I think that's best for everyone!"

"Consider it done," she shrugs with casual authority, "...if you tell me about Alicia."

"Oh, come on!" I cry out, throwing my head back in despair. "Why would that even interest you? It's just more misery. Weren't you done with that for tonight?"

She shrugs again. "I don't know. Perhaps I just hate how the apocalypse wasn't just the end of civilization... it also robbed me from my soap operas! I guess after all this time I'm just dying for a juicy story - even if it's a tragic one."

I roll my eyes. Hopeless. This girl is hopeless. Even more hopeless than me!

On the other hand... all joking aside, she does sound sincere. And would it really be so bad to let my guard down for once? To trust someone a little? It might actually be nice to have another friend here. One that isn't  _her_?

I take a deep breath and turn towards her, mirroring her cross-legged position.

"I don't think there's a real story to tell here. Alicia and I, we've been friends for quite a while. Just friends. We're real easy around each other. Always goofing around, cracking jokes - at least that's what I want her to believe. Sure as hell don't want her to think I was flirting with her, even though once in a blue moon I got this feeling, this hint that it wasn't just me. Like there might actually be some vibe between us. I kept telling myself it was all in my head though. Because I knew her. I knew her well enough to see that it couldn't be real. Yet of course I knew myself even better. I knew I was falling for her. I couldn't deny those feelings. I could shove them to the background though. Which I did, obviously, as I decided that acting on them would only jeopardize our friendship."

My shoulders sag and I exhale. "You know, I simply believed she wasn't an option. I really never knew she..." I raise my hand and give a vague wave. "I just never knew. And when I found out that I was wrong, I was clearly too late."

Cyndie narrows her eyes. "Are you really?"

"You've seen them, right?" I sigh.

Slowly nodding her head, she pouts compassionately. "Must be tough, watching them together all the time."

"Watching them, listening to them... living with them! You know the worst thing is I did this to myself. I could have let them go - let  _her_  go - and just stay behind with the others. Out of sight, out of mind, right? But I reckoned I'd rather be around her knowing she would never feel the same, then..." I fall quiet for another moment. "Clearly I am my own worst enemy."

"Well, you couldn't know you had to live in a frat house," she laughs, before quickly resting her hands on my knees again and adding, "Sorry, that's not funny!"

An unexpected but very welcome chuckle bursts of my lips. "It kind of is, actually... when you think of it. The five of us cramped in there together."

"I'd rather not, but I'm glad to see you laugh again," she joins my snickering. "And you know what?"

I break my stare, which I was unaware of till now, and move my eyes from her hands on my knees up to her face. The warm glow of the campfire illuminates her caramel-colored skin.

"What?"

She scootches closer, our knees now practically touching, and leans in as if she's about to share a secret. "I think it's her loss."

Accepting the lie for once, I feel my lips curve into a grateful smile.

"And if you ever need a place to stay...?" she goes on.

My eyes grow wide. "You got an extra bed?"

She lifts her hand and brushes my bangs to the side. Our eyes lock.

"No," she answers, her voice dead serious.

I freeze, swallow, then crack up laughing - nervously, so basically like an idiot. It doesn't unbalance her though. She doesn't look away, startled by her own words. She doesn't even blink. Instead her mouth slowly forms a small, seductive grin. The most beautiful one I've seen in a long time. The most tempting one, too. But...

"I- I'm flattered. But I... I can't," I murmur, averting my eyes to the darkness of the ocean. "It wouldn't be fair. To you, I mean."

She gets up, wiping the sand of her jeans. "Who says it needs to be fair? Who says it needs to be anything at all? Anything but some well deserved distraction?!"

She reaches out her hand to me.

Unconsciously my eyes wander to my cabin, half hidden behind the trees. The lights are out, but I can still see the outline. I press my lips together.

Cyndie doesn't say anything. She doesn't move either. She just waits, patiently, as she watches me - with her hand still open like an invitation. I look up at her and catch the sparkle in her eyes. A sparkle that somehow brings me back to another life.

Ten years ago I would not have thought twice about this. Eager for life I took every chance I got, always, and I didn't allow myself any regrets over lost opportunities. Why would today be any different?

I mean, come on... look at her!

Fighting another chuckle, I shake my head.

"It's time, Szewczyk-Przygocki," I smile to myself as I lay my hand in hers and let her pull me up, "Time to start living again!"

... ...


	15. Clarke

"Wow, I'd never thought I'd say this, but you're terrible at this!" Trying to keep from laughing I quickly suck my lips into my mouth. Lexa gives me a death glare.

"Not helping, Clarke!" she grumbles.

"I'm sorry," I nicker, unable to control myself any longer, "It's just... how can you throw spears - and knives! - piercing moving body parts from afar... yet not shoot a single arrow?"

She takes another arrow from her quiver and places it in position.

"I  _can_  shoot!" she sets me straight - eyes on the target as she pulls the string back. As she lets go the arrow whistles towards the tree about thirty feet away from us, missing it by at least an arm's length. A deep sigh escapes her. "I just can't hit."

I make my way to the tree for what feels like the hundredth time - my job for the day as I promised her to help her train - and look back at her over my shoulder, beaming. "Which is of course the least important part, so why bother, right?"

When I return to her with the collected arrows she groans again.

"I just hate that I can't use a hunting rifle. Or that knives and spears are so ineffective. I always sucked at archery," she mutters in frustration. "Why do you think I choose swords?"

I hand her the arrows and boop her nose with my index finger. "You'll get the hang of it. I'm telling you, before you know it you'll be the hunter of all hunters."

She scoffs. "Yeah, right."

"Just give it time," I cock my head, a smile lingering on my lips. "You know we've got plenty, right? Now that we're here."

Although her moping is wondrously adorable I'm glad to see the corner of her lips quirking up.

"We made it, didn't we?" she smiles, making me grin as well.

"Sure looks like it." I step closer and place my hands on her hips. Pulling her in with no resistance from her side our noses graze, and I softly hum, "Though honestly every place with you feels like home."

I give her a light peck, but she surprises me by pressing her mouth firmly to mine, reconnecting our lips as soon as they lose touch. With her tongue running across my lower lip I surrender without giving it a second thought and open my mouth to welcome her - ignoring the bow that's now pressed against my back as she pulls me even closer.

By now we've been this close, this intimate, more often than before I lost her, but it doesn't seem to make any difference. It doesn't seem to matter. I honestly don't think I ever get used to it. My stomach still flips, my heart still feels like it's about to explode as soon as our lips touch, as soon as our tongues collide - as soon as we breathe as one.

It doesn't take long for the rest of my body to respond, craving for more. More hands. More lips. More Lexa. I briefly open my eyes to see if she's with me... and realize we're still in the middle of this small yet very public beach.

"Wait, wait!" I mumble against her lips. With my hands on her shoulders I reluctantly push myself away from her a little. "Not here."

She takes a deep breath, then glances over my shoulder to our cabin, half hidden behind the trees. She grabs my hand. "Okay. Let's go home."

I stop her by pulling her back, sighing, "The other's are there." As soon as she's facing me again I lift my hand and tuck a lock behind her ear. "Guess we haven't made it just yet."

We exhale in unison.

"Now what?" Lexa ponders, suddenly looking a little lost.

I shrug. "Back to practice?" I lean in to nudge her with my shoulder, then swiftly press a kiss on her cheek, making sure to stay away from her lips this time. "Play a little Cupid?"

"Make the trees fall in love with each other?" she snorts. "Sure, why not?"

Adjusting another arrow she gets in position again, draws, and releases.

"Yesss!" I cheer as the arrow hits the trunk. "See?"

She shakes her head.

"What?!"

"I was aiming for the other tree!"

My shoulders sag. "Oh." I move my eyes from Lexa to the tree with the arrow, then back to Lexa. "Well, at least it's stuck. That's progress."

Lexa puffs, telling me she doesn't agree, but already prepares for the next shot, not ready to give up - what I absolutely love about her.

The next two arrows are definitely more in line with the target, hitting the ground right in front of it. I stay quiet this time, not wanting to come of as annoyingly cheerful, but I exult in silence when I note the hint of a smile on her lips.

I leisurely wander to the tree again and kneel down to pick up the two arrows, freezing in my motion when I don't find two but three of them in the sand. Did I miss one before?

The third one is partly hidden under some leafs, which is why I don't notice the difference until I pull it out. Unlike Yumiko's, which we're using for practice, the fletching is quite small and although black and white as well the color seems slightly off.

"Clarke?"

I look up, watching Lexa walk towards me, a curious look on her face.

"What's up?"

As an answer I show her the arrow.

"You found us an extra one? Cool!" She stretches her hand to take it from me, but I'm already examining it again, more closely this time.

"I'm not sure we're talking lost and found here," I mumble. "I think I know this arrow."

She squats down besides me. Her eyes break from the arrow and find mine. She raises her brows. "You do?"

I slowly nod. "I think it's from Echo."

"Echo? The  _Azgeda_  spy?!" Lexa's eyes grow even bigger.

Understanding her confusion as she still doesn't know the full story, I chuckle. "Believe me or not, but she's one of us now."

"Shooting arrows at us? Doesn't look like it!"

"Trust me, if she'd been shooting them  _at_  us we'd be lying on the ground right now, bleeding to death." Unable to stop it I feel my lips curl into a goofy smile. "She's not one to hit the wrong tree."

"Oh, shut up!" she snarls again, though with laughter sparkling in her eyes. She playfully pushes me backwards, my butt hitting the sand before I know it, and grins at me like this settles the score.

"What do you think this means," she asks as I scramble back to my feet. "She's here?"

My eyes are already scanning our surroundings, peering through the trees for any sign. Of course there's no Echo. If she wants to be invisible, she's invisible. There is a clue though, about twenty feet away from us.

"There!" I point.

It's another arrow, stuck to a tree. It's not a lot, but when we get there and look around again, we spot a third one, even further away from the settlement.

"She's leading us away from Oceanside," Lexa states.

I nod and take her hand. "Come on."

When she doesn't move I face her again. "Please, come with me? Something must be going on. And whatever it is, I feel I really need you with me. And I swear Echo won't hurt you. Or want anything from you. She never did, did she?"

She shakes her head, slowly, but keeps hesitating.

"She watched us at the beach. Maybe even before that." I give her a light squeeze. "Like it or not, but she's seen you already."

Lexa doesn't answer. Instead she inhales deeply, lifts her free hand and abruptly pulls the arrow from the tree. "She might need these again," she murmurs, her voice hardly audible, before looking at me. "Let's go."

We follow the trail of arrows, collecting them all as we move away further and further from the place we call home. By the time we've got our hands full we must have crossed at least a mile. That's where the second surprise awaits us.

Echo is not alone.

Next to her, sitting on the hood of a rusty jeep, is Raven.

There's no point in turning around. They see us as soon as we see them. I quickly glance at Lexa. I know the history between them. I was there.

My own unresolved issues with her are nothing compared to theirs.

As we slowly draw closer I realize that Raven doesn't look shocked by the sight of Lexa. Puzzled, yes. But not dismayed. Echo must have told her about the resemblance.

Or maybe they already know - somehow - that this girl right next to me, dressed in sneakers, tight jeans and a light bomber jacket, is actually the fearless, former leader of an entire nation?

When we're only a few steps away they both jump off the hood. I feel the sudden need to hug them, despite the fact that I know too well how Raven feels about me, but I fight the urge. It's really good to see them again though and it hits me how much I miss my own people.

I'm not sure if they feel the same.

"Hello Princess," Raven breaks our silence. Her eyes are cold. I hate that. "We didn't get the chance to catch up last time. I see you made some remarkable choices again. Or should I just call this the easy way out?"

Before I can answer she looks at Lexa. "You're really her, aren't you?"

Lexa swallows, but doesn't flinch. "You remember?" she asks in return.

Raven lifts her arm, showing us the scar on her triceps. "Call me crazy, but I don't easily forget torture. Not to mention my boyfriend's death sentence."

My eyes are glued on Lexa. She doesn't say anything, nor does she move. I recognize the slight clenching of her jaw though. Just like the fierce look in her eyes. She doesn't want to hear it, but I've been noticing more and more  _Heda_  shining through since she remembered her old self, and today is no exception.

"How are you here?" Echo asks.

"I don't know," Lexa answers truthfully, "How are you?"

"Madi," Echo shrugs. "She made me follow you guys the morning you left our camp. Needed to know where to find you, just in case..."

I narrow my eyes. "That's half a moon ago. You've been here all along?"

She shakes her head. "No, I went back as soon as I knew you found a safe spot here. You might not be aware of it, but we got ourselves into a war pretty much straight away after landing."

"See, that's what friends do," Raven snarks, "They stay around when they're needed."

"Yes Raven, I know!" I snap, louder than I want to, "I know I let you down - I let everybody down! You wanna hear me say it? I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

If it weren't for the sudden though gentle touch of Lexa's hand on my shoulder I'd probably apologize a thousand more times. Instead I fall quiet and just stare at my estranged friend, my face more grim than she deserves. She stares right back at me, keeping any more possible comments to herself. I guess this is our way of a ceasefire.

Lexa looks at Echo again. "Why did you come back? Need help fighting those Whisperers?"

"Whisperers?" Echo frowns.

"Yeah, those masked idiots. I assume you're at war with them?"

"Actually we pretty much got them already," Echo smirks scornful. "Indra led our army right into their territory, defeated everyone they encountered, and Shaw and Raven blew up their camp - Skaikru style. They didn't stand a chance."

"Not the most peaceful solution," Lexa nods with a blank expression, but with a shimmer in her eyes that tell me she's trying really hard to suppress a grin at least as wide as Echo's. Like I said: once a Commander... "But problem solved," she concludes.

"We wish. Those fools were never a problem. Not for us. Maybe you forgot, with whatever happening to you," she makes a vague gesture, "but the you I know could have finished them with your eyes closed."

I cough, just to check if I'm still capable of making a sound. "Then what is? The problem, I mean?"

Echo directs her eyes to me. "The problem is the fact that after we kill people around here they stand back up!"

"And turn us into them!" Raven adds.

They share a quick look and I intuitively feel that it's time to get nervous. My hand reaches out until it finds Lexa's. Our fingers lace together like silk. Her grip is firm and steady though, assuring me that whatever I'm about to hear, she's with me.

"Which is why we're here," Echo goes on. "It's Madi. She asked us to come get you. She..."

When Echo stays quiet mid-sentence I look at Raven. To my relief I finally recognize my old friend, with sympathy shining through her eyes. Averting those eyes she takes a sharp breath, before looking at me again - the anger on her face now replaced with sorrow.

"Clarke... Madi got bitten."

... ...


	16. Raven

As soon as my words are out, Clarke stumbles backwards, gasping for air and vigorously shaking her head.

"No! No! No!" Her frantic eyes move rapidly between me and Echo. "Tell me she didn't-"

"I'm sorry-" Echo tries to comfort her, but she doesn't even get the chance to explain; when Clarke collapses to her knees a gruesome cry escapes her lungs - louder than every other sound around us. Louder than I ever heard before.

Despite everything that happened between us, everything she did to me, even though indirectly, it breaks me to see her like this. No single soul should have to go through this pain.

Aware that every second of this unmeant torture is one too many I speed towards her, with Echo right behind me. We both kneel down on the ground, close enough to make her really see us, but far enough so that Lexa, who's holding her tight and looks more protective than ever, can't lash out at us - physically that is.

"Clarke, no, wait! It's not like that. It's- Look at me!" I pant, desperately trying to reach her, and relieved when her eyes finally find mine. "Madi is okay," I slowly go on, making sure she gets every word I say. "You hear me? She's sick, but-"

"What's wrong with you?!" Lexa blurts out, her voice raised and her blazing green eyes spitting fire. "This is how you tell someone her child is about to die? Picking a fight, then casually mentioning-"

"She's not!" I manage to interrupt her. "She's not dying!"

"Don't fool yourself! She got a bite? She dies! Just like everybody else," Lexa snarks, while pulling Clarke even closer into her arms. "You just got here. You have no clue. Or maybe by now you do, and you're just lying to yourself. But don't lie to us - to  _her_. It's her kid you're talking about."

Echo shuffles forward a little and rests her hand on Lexa's shoulder. I wouldn't call myself a sissy, but I'm not ashamed to admit I'll never be as brave as her.

"Lexa, we're not lying. I swear. Just... try to calm down. Breathe. Take a second, both of you, and we'll try to explain."

Without checking at each other Echo and I both take some distance again, giving them the space to catch their breath. From a short distance I watch how Clarke tries to control her breathing again, while Lexa gently strokes her hair, wipes away her tears and talks to her in the softest voice.

A zillion questions cross my mind. How is she here? Both Clarke and Murphy watched her die... didn't they? Did she trick them with some macabre act? Was she never really gone? But she has hardly aged... Was she in cryo-sleep, like us?!

My biggest question though is how the girl I'm watching right now is the same as the harsh, merciless army commander I once met on the battle field.

As soon as Clarke is able to talk again she looks at us and nods, telling us she's ready. We all move from the middle to the side of the road, even though I have the feeling not a lot of traffic drives by. Once seated two pair of eyes, full of expectation, meet ours again.

"The day we arrived here Diyoza got bitten," Echo starts. "Madi told us you know about that. That you were actually the one explaining to her how to handle it. How to... end it. Madi was stubborn though. She wanted to see what would happen. She did however lock her in a storage room at the Gagarin, for safety reasons. Within the next two days Diyoza got sick."

Clarke narrows her eyes. "Sick how?"

"Sweating, shivering. Everything that comes with high fevers, basically. Could have been a delirium as well," I try to paint the picture. "That's when we came up with the plan of bringing her back to the Eligius. To the lab, where we could run some tests - and hopefully find a cure. Or put her back to cryo in case we had to. We - Abby, Jackson and me - left shortly after you guys did. By that time three others were bitten as well. So we ended up back in space with four people being infected with God-knows-what."

"In the meantime people on the ground started to run into these dead freaks by daylight and realized what we're actually dealing with. Not just some wild animals indeed!" Echo adds.

Remembering the vivid horror stories they reported, my face twists. "We kept hearing these horrible examples of what would happen if we acted too late, while Abby and Jackson didn't get any further. With all questions unanswered they had to admit that they couldn't help any of them. All they could do was putting all four of them to sleep. So we made sure to get them in those pods before they turned into... I don't even know what to calm them."

"That worked?" Lexa asks, raising her brows in marvel. "They didn't turn?"

I shake my head. "They didn't. But it didn't resolve anything either. We had no clue if we could ever wake them up, so this was hardly any better than death. Plus I was already called back to get the next one. Imagine my shock when I got back to the ground and found out it was Madi who got a bite."

By the mention of Madi's name Clarke gulps for air again. Lexa gently strokes her back and rests her other hand on her knee. She nods at me to go on.

"I brought her to the mothership and we prepared ourselves for the worst, especially when the fevers started. But to everyone's astonishment she stopped getting worse after a while. Au contraire, she seemed to be doing better. She  _is_  doing better. Clarke, you gotta believe me, she really seems okay."

She looks straight at me. The fear in her eyes is indescribable.

"Then why are you here?"

"We got worried that maybe we'd acted too quick. That we'd misunderstood. That those bites might have caused some serious infections, hence the fevers, but had nothing to do with those gnawing creators on the ground. So we decided to wake one of them - Brell, a former Grounder. I don't know if you- doesn't matter..." I take a deep breath. "Point is, we shouldn't have... She turned before our eyes and we had no other choice than stab her brain."

"Told you," Lexa remarks with a shrug.

Clarke keeps her eyes on me. "And with all that you're still saying Madi is fine?"

"Because she sure as hell looks fine! She's healing, pretty quickly actually. I'm telling you, that kid is anything but dead!"

"So she's the one exception?" she frowns. "Why?"

"That's what we're trying to figure out. What's the difference between her and everyone else? What are the variables? A question we asked ourselves once before, as you might remember. Yet this time we came up with not one but two things. Nightblood, once again, and-"

"-the Flame," Clarke beats me to it.

"Exactly! Now it could be both, it could be neither, we don't know. But we sure as hell want to find out. Correction:  _need_  to find out. Cause maybe, just maybe, this could save us all."

Lexa pulls a face. "You're here two weeks and you found a cure for human kind? I knew you space guys are cocky, but this beats everything..."

"I won't take it that far, but we found  _something_. There's no denying there. We just got stuck already."

"How?" she asks.

Now I'm the one to shrug. "We can't take the next step. If we take out the Flame to try it on one of the others, we might harm Madi. Cause if it  _is_  the Flame protecting her, what will happen to her when we take it away?"

"Besides, no one can bond with the Flame, since no one besides Madi is a Nightblood," Echo further explains.

Clarke exhales. She still looks beaten, though slightly less upset. "So start with the blood," she suggests.

"That's what we figured," I smile without joy, "but we can't do that either. Turned out Madi's blood is contaminated by the bite. She  _does_  carry the virus - if that's what this is. It just doesn't affect her."

"...yet?" Her voice is thin and fragile.

I slowly nod, not wanting to raise any false hope. Or being called a liar again.

"Abby thinks she can fix her with a full blood transfusion. That's why Madi sent us. To get you, and the others. The last part didn't make much sense, but I'm starting to understand," Echo goes on, her eyes now on Lexa.

Lexa sits up, with her back straight, and her hands now back in her own lap - radiating authority without even trying. The lack of warpaint really doesn't make her any less of a commander.

"We're not Nightbloods anymore," she says.

Echo subconsciously mirrors her pose. "We?"

Clarke and Lexa exchange a brief look. When Clarke faces us again she inhales deeply and rolls her shoulders, as if tension suddenly hit her, "Well, yeah... Lexa is not the only familiar face around here."

Confused, I sit back, blink a few times as I try to wrap my head around this, then look up at Lexa again. "But I don't know any Nightblood other than you. Except..." I falter for a moment. "No, that can't be. She died."

"I died," she shrugs with a small, lopsided smile.

"That's what I believed until a few minutes ago," I scoff, "But you look very alive to me. So unless you came back from the death in a much prettier way than everyone else around here..."

"I'm sorry, who are we talking about?"

As I look to my side I notice Echo looks just as puzzled as I do.

Lexa and Clarke share another glance, most likely trying to decide what to do. Shaking her head, Clarke lightly shrugs. "There's no going back now," she quietly mumbles.

Lexa turns to Echo again. "Luna," she sighs, and although I was waiting to hear that name out loud it still shocks me.

"The Floukru Nightblood!" Echo exclaims. " _That's_  who was with you when I followed you here. I knew she looked familiar!"

Lexa cocks her head, a curious look on her face. "You two met?"

"Well, we didn't exactly shake hands or anything, but yeah, I saw her once," Echo nods. "At the final Conclave. Not the finest moment for either of us, let's keep it at that."

"She got any reason to rip your throat?" Lexa questions.

"Not that I'm aware of, but I think we're about to find out."

Echo points towards two women, standing at the other side of the road, about a hundred feet behind Clarke and Lexa. I follow their gaze as they look over their shoulders, feeling slightly embarrassed that I hadn't seen them before while they're pretty much right in front of me.

They're observing us from the distance, seemingly at ease, which makes sense since our gathering looks more like a family picknick than a threat.

I force myself to look better. To actually look at  _her_. That's when our eyes meet. Even though this isn't my first unexplainable rendez-vous today, and I already learned she'd be around, my heart still skips a beat.

Surreal. It's just... surreal.

Echo's voice right next to me makes me break my stare.

"They followed you?"

Clarke faces her, a hint of a smile on her lips. "Wouldn't be the first time!" She turns a second time, waves at them and calls them over, before quickly glancing at us again with a sudden, more serious look in her eyes. "One more thing: Luna is Magna now. And this precious babe goes by Alicia these days. If you wanna avoid any trouble, go along with it!"

Before I can even response, Luna - or whatever her new name is - and her friend join our little group.

"You guys okay?" the unknown woman asks.

Clarke nods. "We're fine. These are Raven and Echo. They're friends of mine from back home. Raven, Echo, these are Magna and Yumiko. Also friends, but from around here."

The almost official way of introducing us tells me this Yumiko, probably together with quite some others, doesn't know about Luna's shared history with them, let alone with us.

We all stand up and I do as asked: I shake hands and share polite smiles, and do my very best not to show any recognition, curiosity and excitement. I'm feeling it though, with my pulse still racing and a huge smile trying to sneak onto my face. Standing eye to eye with my dear friend feels like a spacewalk!

"You followed us again?" Lexa asks them.

"Don't flatter yourself," Luna grins. "It wasn't till Miko needed her bow back that we noticed you were gone. That's why we started looking. For the bow, that is. But hey, it's always fun to find out how you got yourself in trouble again. Couldn't know you were having a little reunion here. What's going on?"

"They're here for me. I need to come home with them," Clarke tells her. "Won't be till tomorrow morning though. The sun is about to set. I'll ask Cyndie if they can stay for the night."

Yumiko squints her eyes. "Two more after the five of us?"

"It's just for one night," Clarke waves the problem away. "Besides, Cyndie seems to be walking on sunshine these last couple of days. I bet she can't even remember how to say no."

Easily convinced Yumiko gives her a nod. "Alright, let's go then!"

Without further questions Echo and I quickly get our stuff from the car and follow the others into the woods. Wherever we're going, we do need a place to crash. It doesn't take long before Echo and Yumiko are deeply engaged in some conversation about archery, with Echo gushing over Yumiko's bow.

Clarke and Lexa walk in front of them, leading the way, while I stay a bit behind, my leg not working with me the way I want to when we have to climb over some fallen trees.

"Hey there, stranger," Luna cheers in a soft, but exciting voice, when she suddenly pops up next to me. "Need a hand?" She offers me her hand for support, which I gratefully accept. As soon as I'm over the barrier I let go and show her a bright smile instead. "Thank you," I grin. Then, after a swift glance to the others, estimating the hearing distance, "I can't believe you're here!"

"Honestly? Me neither. Don't even ask me about it, cause I'm afraid I can't give you any answers," she sighs. I look at her as we keep following the others. Searching for... what exactly? Proof that it's her, or proof that it isn't?

"It's really you though, isn't it? Not some distant descendant?"

"It's really me," she laughs. "But also really someone else."

"Magna," I state, showing her I actually paid some attention.

"Exactly," she grins. "So how about you? Is it really you?"

To my own surprise I laugh full-heartedly. "Why wouldn't it be me?"

"I don't know. People change. Especially when life gets rough. Clarke told me some things. About Praimfaya destroying the world as predicted, and what happened after."

"She told you about me?"

She shakes her head. "Not a thing."

I wonder what she did tell her. I bet there are quite some versions of the same story, depending on the narrator.

"Well, whatever she shared with you, she's been right about life not being easy on us. But yes, I do believe I'm still me. Despite the horrors. Or even the fact that my brain got an actual upgrade - as you partly witnessed. Cause all of that only affected my head. In the end it's still the same heart I'm listening to."

"And such a heart you have," she smiles, and I don't feel any need to fight her on this.

Besides we reach a small beach that seems to be our destination. Clarke and Lexa both turn around. "You wait here. I go and try to get you in," Clarke says.

Luna looks at Lexa. "Go with her. We'll stay here with them."

As the two of them wander towards what looks like a gate to some kind of camp or settlement, leaving us on this strip of sand, Yumiko turns towards Luna.

"Mind if we split for a bit? We wanna shoot some arrows over there, switch bows and all."

The moment Luna returns her smile I spot a twinkle in her eyes I've never seen before. That's when I can finally pinpoint the difference I noticed, but couldn't define yet: the old Luna wasn't happy. This Luna is.

Unaware of my little epiphany she still has her eyes on Yumiko. She grins from ear to ear. "As long as that's all you switch..."

A wink. A laugh. A kiss.

There you have it. The source of said happiness. Go Luna!

We sit down next to each other in the sand and watch Yumiko and Echo exchange their gear, before giving each other instructions and making some shots about twenty feet away from us.

"So you found someone?" I break our surprisingly peaceful silence, nudging her shoulder with mine. I turn my head to look at her, witnessing the almost endearing smile on her face as she looks from her girl to me, then back to her girl.

"I'm afraid I did," she nods, a small chuckle falling from her lips. "Would've waited for you of course, had I known we'd meet again. Too late now. My heart is sold."

I snort and shake my head.

"Idiot," I hiccup, more sheepishly than intended. As I feel my cheeks turn red I can only hope she thinks it's from laughing. She might be kidding, but they say there's a grain of truth in every joke, which in this case I think I can actually understand, maybe even relate to. Super brain or not, till this very day I've never been able to define the instant, almost spiritual connection between us.

"How 'bout you?" she pulls me out of my thoughts, "Anyone special?"

Just thinking of my man makes me beam. "I'd say so, yeah. His name is Shaw. He's a real good guy. From space... but even you would like him!"

She tilts her head. "Does he make you happy?"

It's the easiest question ever. "Yes," I nod with conviction, "he does."

"Good," she smiles, "Then I don't care where you found him."

We stay quiet for a bit, our eyes now on the horizon in front of us, with its pink and orange glow. I never hated space as much as the people around me, but so far all planets I set foot on turned out to be even more magical.

A blissful sigh escapes my lips. "Seems like everything worked out, huh?"

"Sure does," she nods, smirking.

I shift in the sand, turning towards her.

"I'm really glad that it did. And that I got the chance to find out, before leaving again tomorrow. About you, I mean, and the fact that you're okay."

She doesn't say anything. She just watches me with a patient smile on her lips. Like she knows I'm not done yet.

"I never got the chance to tell you this, but I want you to know you meant a great deal to me," I go on. "And you still do."

"Ditto," she answers with a single nod, but that same calm smile. "It's too bad we're parting again."

"It is. But you know what, I don't think it's our final goodbye. Someone once told me to give myself to the miracle of the sea," I lower my head, just a little bit, making sure to keep our eyes connected. "So if we ever find ourselves on yet another planet - or in yet another lifetime - which I'm sure we do, let's meet again. After all..." I wink, "they do say three times is a charm!"

And with that the score on making each other blush is equal again.

... ...


	17. Lexa | Alicia

I did not think this through!

When the question raised whether to join Clarke or not, the only thing I asked myself was if I was ready to face my people again. To be me again. The short answer was no. I was not. Not if it were just for me.

But the thing is I wouldn't go for me. I would go for Clarke. To support her with whatever she's about to face. And looking at it like that there really was no question at all. I meant it when I told her I'd die for her. It's the truth. I do anything for her. Even facing my own past. My own demons.

Easy as that.

What I didn't realize though was that joining her to see Madi meant going into freaking space!

Now I have been in airplanes a few times, before the world went down. When I was still a toddler and Mom and Dad, who was still with us then, took me and Nick to Spain for a holiday. And years later, when Travis took all of us to meet his family in New Zealand.

But this is no airplane. I don't even know what to call this. An unidentified flying object? Regardless the name, by the looks of its giant engines alone it tells me it's something that doesn't just... take off. It's going to launch us.

"Relax baby," Clarke tries to calm me down from the seat right next to mine. "Raven and Shaw are the best, they know what they're doing."

I glance through the window that separates us from the pilot cabin. They are preparing themselves for our flight - as I quickly decide to call it to make it sound as normal as possible - and seem quite at ease.

I turn my head.

"You know this is anything but normal for pretty much anyone who isn't Skaikru, right?"

"I know," she smiles patiently, "We took some guests before, remember? You should have seen Indra on her first launch. Pale as moonlight!"

An instant, soft chuckle escapes me. It's hard to imagine Indra scared, but I really can't blame her, considering the jumbled ball of nerves in my own belly right now.

Clarke takes my hand. "Think of your song. It's happening, you're going to live it. Sailing across the sun. All the way to the Milky Way..."

"...to see the lights all fade," I mumble along with her. Now I'm the one to smile. "You learned the lyrics? How?!"

"I asked Al," she shrugs nonchalantly, "I guessed she'd probably knew it as well. She did, though she wasn't a fan like you."

"That's because she had to listen to me sing it for years when we were making miles," I confess with a slight not-even-sorry grin.

"Yep, she said that, too. I think she was just joking though, she didn't really seemed to have mind."

"Probably not, no. We're always bantering, I guess it's kind of our thing. But we're never serious. It's just our way of... killing time." Thinking back of our years on the road I stare at my hand inside of Clarke's. "...I think."

Clarke gives me a soft, playful squeeze. "You think? Did I miss anything?"

Suddenly a little uncomfortable I shift in my seat. It's not even because of her, she mostly just sounds curious. Entertained even.

"I don't know," I murmur. Is it hot in here? "Forget about it. It's stupid... and embarrassing."

"Stupid and embarrassing sound like the perfect ingredients to get your mind off all this for a second," she winks, gesturing at all the high-tech around us, and though I wish she was wrong I know she probably isn't.

A bit uneasy I clear my throat. "I just... I sometimes felt there was this... this chemistry between us. Or I thought so, I was never sure. And I didn't know how to feel about that. It confused me, obviously, because of, you know... the girl thing. And maybe even more because even though it unsettled me, I actually kind of liked it."

I glare at her from the corner of my eye, looking for some sign of understanding. I find it in her nod.

"You'd never been with a girl?" she asks with a soft smile.

I shake my head. "No. Well, at least not that I remembered!" Our eyes meet and - unable to stop ourselves - we both giggle at the same time. At moments like this it still strikes me how absurd this whole situation is. "I was hardly twenty when we met. Hormones raging, but till then only when it was about boys. I never even thought about girls. Like I said, the whole thing was confusing as hell. So I went for the easy way."

She raises her eyebrows, creasing her forehead.

"Full blown denial," I shrug.

She snorts, though with compassion, so I don't mind.

"You think it was another dot?" she asks, "The girl-thing, I mean."

My eyes drift off again. "I don't know. Maybe."

We stay quiet for a few moments, my hand still in hers, before I abruptly turn towards her.

"Nothing ever happened. I'm not even sure if there ever was anything to happen. I could've been wrong the entire time. Might as well been all in my head. And whatever the hell I thought I was feeling, it's all gone. As soon as I saw you I-"

"Lexa!" Clarke stops my rambling, "Calm down, it's okay. You had a life - between ours and this one. And you lived it. I'm glad! I'm glad you found people you care about, and who care about you." She lets go of my hand and lifts hers to my cheek, gently caressing it. "And I'm not worried for a second that you might be thinking about anyone else. I know I'm yours. It's in your eyes, every time I look into them."

I gasp, unaware till now that I was holding my breath. "I- I just want you to know that I wasn't confused. When I saw you again, I mean. Not for a second. People always talk about not messing up facts and feelings, but when it's about you, about my feelings for you, it  _is_  a fact. There's no question. No counter-hypothesis. You  _are_  my other half."

She leans in. "And you are  _my_  other half," she sighs against my lips before kissing them, "The most cheesy, dorky other half I could wish for!"

"Shut up!" I grumble, already searching for her lips.

_Tick tick._

"Buckle up, lovebirds!" Raven draws our attention, knocking on the window. "We're off in a few minutes. Be ready!"

She turns to her pilot seat next to Shaw without waiting for our reaction - mine being subconsciously gasping for air, now that I remember where we are and what we're about to do. So far for the distraction.

I watch Clarke closing the buckle in her lap. A seat belt? We're getting launched into space with just a seat belt to keep us in place?! Clarke's clear laughter makes me look up at her again.

"Don't worry," she snickers, "this is just the first one."

She pulls down a firm shoulder harness till it clicks, seemingly keeping her tight at her spot. If I wouldn't know any better I'd say she's about to take a ride at the carnival.

"Just like a rollercoaster, right?" I murmur as I follow her example.

Clarke tries to look at me, which isn't that easy anymore now that she's all locked in. "I wouldn't know, actually. I've never been in one. Only know them from Earth class. Aren't they going upside down?"

"Sometimes, yeah," I nod, while double checking the harness by trying to get out, which I can't.

"See, then this should be a walk in the park for you," she laughs. "No loopings on this ride. Nonetheless, if it helps you can still hold my hand. Although you might feel more secure holding on to the rail."

Right then the engines start to blast - sounding even louder than before, now that I'm actually inside this monstertruck from space. Shaw raises his hand, indicating we're about to take off, and Raven starts to count down over the speaker.

My hand lets go of the rail before she gets to zero, finding Clarke's without giving it a second thought. Nothing in this whole wide world, including space, can make me more secure than she does.

... ...

"Okay, I think I'm officially done with rollercoasters. For like... forever. Next time when you plan a trip, just take me to the zoo, or something!"

"Right, cause the last time was such a success," Clarke giggles. Unlike me she sounds completely normal.

I frown. "When did we ever go to the zoo?!"

She leans forward to look at me. "Don't tell me you forgot about Pauna!?"

"Oh right," I chuckle, "Wait, you're telling me that wasn't the perfect first date for you? Huh, I guess we need a do-over then."

Her laughing gets interrupted by the hissing sound of the shoulder harnesses moving upwards again, freeing us from their tight grip. I unclasp the buckle around my waist.

"Well, that's disappointing," I mumble.

Clarke turns in her seat to face me. She looks puzzled. "What is?"

"I'm not... going anywhere. We're in space. Aren't we supposed to float around?"

I can tell she tries to suppress another laugh, but she fails. "Sorry babe, I'm afraid we managed to have gravity up here. If you wanna experience Zero-G you have to step out. Which I wouldn't recommend."

"Are you kidding me? There's absolutely no feeling compared to getting out there," Raven cries out as she just steps into the passengers cabin. She looks over her shoulder at Shaw, who's right behind her. "Well, except being with you."

We get up and follow them towards the exit, which looks like a heavy, steel door. Raven pulls a lever, opening it with another hiss. There's a young woman waiting for us on the other side. Her lips curve as soon as she sees us. Or Clarke, to be more specific.

"Hello, old friend," she smiles. Her voice is calm, and a little husky.

"Niylah," Clarke breathes with a mirrored smile, one you save for old friends indeed, and speeds towards her for a warm embrace. "It's so good to see you again!" When she lets go again she steps aside and turns around, facing me again.

"Niylah, this is-"

"Heda!" Niylah exclaims in awe. Before I can stop her she already kneels down, her eyes on the floor between us. "It's an honor."

She's pretty. Not that I had any reason to assume she wouldn't be, but for some reason I hadn't pictured her like this. It doesn't matter to me though. Quite to my own surprise I don't feel any jealousy, or discomfort. At least not about the fact that she's shared the sheets with my girl.

"Please get up," I quietly tell her, "I'm not your Commander anymore."

She stands up without hesitation, but when her eyes meet mine I can still catch a hint of veneration and subservience.

"I.. I can not believe you're here. Even though Raven informed me, even though I'm seeing you with my own eyes, I..." She lowers her lashes again.

I take a step closer to her and rest my hand upon her upper arm, somehow hoping to... I don't know... break the spell, I guess.

"It's alright. It's confusing for me, too. But I mean it, I'm not someone to look up to, to follow or to serve. I'm just..." I fall quiet mid-sentence, as it hits me: I actually have no clue who I am anymore. I swallow. "I'm just Lexa."

Niylah looks up again. "Of course, if that's what you want. But, please, let me take this opportunity, just this one time, for all those times that you  _were_  my leader, that you gave yourself for all people of Trikru, and for peace... let me say thank you for that."

I accept her praise with one single nod, realizing she's not the only one feeling gratitude. I can feel my expression soften, with the smallest smile creeping on my face. I lean in just a little.

"Thank you. For being there for Clarke, when I... couldn't."

Now she's the one to nod - an unspoken, shared feeling of respect and understanding between us, before taking a step back and looking at Clarke again.

"Let me take you to Madi. She's waiting for you."

We both follow her through a corridor which already tells me how big this place must be. We stop in front of a door that says 'Clinic'.

"Why is she still in here?" Clarke asks, her voice suddenly filled with worry. "Raven said she was doing fine."

"She was," Niylah nods. "She recovered. But then the fevers came back. Maybe because of the infected blood, we don't know."

"She's still her though, is she?" Clarke goes on, her lip now trembling. "Sh- She..."

I take a step closer and wrap my arm around her. "She didn't turn, did she?"

Niylah shakes her head. "No. No, she didn't. But she's afraid she might. So she asked us to chain her."

Clarke's head shoots up. "You chained her?!"

"Only because she made us," Niylah quietly admits, before she looks at me with apologies in her eyes. "She's our Heda now."

"I know," I nod, "And I know about the power that comes with that. The Flame can be very convincing. It can also protect you from a lot of things. But not from fear. She's your Commander now, but she's also just a kid." I pull Clarke a little closer against me, before I step forward, to the door.

"She doesn't need chains," I go on, not waiting any longer to open it, "She needs her mom."

... ...


	18. Clarke

The second the door opens before me, revealing what's behind it, I impatiently step inside. There she is, lying on the examination table, with her eyes closed and her wrists and ankles strapped down.

My Madi.

I sprint towards her and start pulling the chains with a force from within I never experienced before. Rage and despair take over, making me blind for anything else around me. All I see is Madi, looking so small and innocent, shackled like an animal. She blinks, slowly opening her eyes, until her gaze meets mine.

"Clarke, no, don't," she murmurs, her voice fragile at first, but quickly gaining strength. "Leave them."

"There's no way in hell!" I mutter. My eyes are already back on the chains, as I keep fervidly twisting and pulling them without success.

"Stop!" she tries again, "Please! I'm a hazard."

I shake my head, my teeth deeply sunken in my bottom lip. "You're not, you hear me? You're not like any of them. I won't accept that. I'm not-"

"Clarke, you're hurting me!"

My hands freeze and I stare at them. What am I doing? These chains are made of steel! I exhale, releasing the air I was holding, and look at her again. My hand cups her cheek, gentle now, my thumb brushing her clammy skin.

"I'm sorry," I pant, slightly out of breath.

Madi averts her eyes. "I'm sorry, too."

"For what?" I frown.

"For getting in trouble," she mumbles, drawing another sigh from me.

"Oh, honey..."

"You warned me about them," she goes on, her gaze still stuck on her feet. "And I'd seen them, too. Growling and grasping and savaging, coming towards us with their jaws already open. But these ones were different."

"How?"

"They were... calm, I guess. They were just standing there. Their heads bowed, almost dangling. Their bodies slumped, with their arms just hanging there. They didn't seem dangerous, they were more like... like sleepwalkers."

I grimace at the comparison, quietly moaning, "Yeah, hungry sleepwalkers."

"I thought we could pass them," she goes on. When her eyes finally find mine again I can feel her jaw clench underneath my touch. "I misjudged. I brought our people in danger by underestimating the enemy, and when Murphy got attacked-"

"Wait, Murphy got attacked? I thought you did?"

She shakes her head, slowly and with some effort, telling me she feels much weaker than she wants me to believe. "No, it was Murphy. He got pushed over and jumped on. I just came in between."

"You  _just_ -" I gasp, my eyes widening in astonishment. "Madi, you can't just... What were you thinking?!"

"I wasn't. I was doing. Doing what needed to be done. A Commander doesn't stand and watch. A Commander fights."

I turn around, my eyes finding Lexa's right away. "That freaking Flame," I grumble between my teeth, "I swear to God-"

"Shhh," she hushes me, "Not now, Clarke. She won't hear you. Here, unchain her."

She hands me a small key that Niylah must have given to her. I take a deep breath, swallow and turn towards Madi again. "Don't fight me on this," I tell her in a stern voice, and she doesn't. As soon as her wrists are freed she sits up and embraces me.

"Please don't be mad," she breathes into my hair.

I pull her in even closer. "I'm not mad," I sigh. "I'm just worried. I'm so damn worried, Madi. I- I can't lose you, okay? I can't stop you from being the Commander, but that _thing_ -"

I fall quiet when I feel the light touch of Lexa's hand on my shoulder. I swallow again, then finish my sentence by pressing a kiss on Madi's cheekbone. I let go of her, a little reluctant, and force myself to smile.

"There's someone I like you to meet."

As I take a small step aside Madi's eyes focus on Lexa, who just now appears in her field of vision. They widen, an expression of awe transforming her face. Opening her mouth she lets out a breathless gasp.

"Lexa..?"

"Hi Madi," Lexa softly smiles at her, taking a seat on the edge of the table. Madi keeps staring at her.

"You've got to tell me." She stretches her hand and let her fingers slide across Lexa's face, like a blind person trying to catch someone's features. "Tell me!"

Except for my charcoal drawings Madi has never seen Lexa. I know she's heard her though. For Madi, the sound of Lexa's voice is the ultimate prove. And Lexa knows it, too.

"It's me, Madi. It's really me. I'm not in your head anymore," she says, her smile now growing into a goofy, lopsided grin. "At least I hope not. Wouldn't want you to listen to me in stereo!"

A weak but merry laugh bursts from Madi's lips. "Don't worry, you're not. The Flame is still active, clearly, but I haven't heard any of the Commander's voices since we got here."

"Well, I'm glad," Lexa smiles again as she helps Madi adjust the table, so she can lean against her pillow. "I know how annoying they can get."

"All but one," Madi smirks, quickly glancing at me for a second. I chuckle and shake my head, but her focus is already back on Lexa. Lexa rests her hand on Madi's knee. Her smile has vanished, but her voice is still soft and warm.

"How are you doing,  _ai strik heda_? Are you in any pain?"

Madi shakes her head again and lifts her arm a little, showing us the bandage that's hiding the bite. "Abby cleaned the wound and gave me some painkillers. I'm just feeling sleepy. Like that time I had the flu." She looks at me, then back at Lexa, then turns her face away, staring at her feet again. "I'm scared, though."

Lexa moves her hand, taking Madi's into her own. Remarkably, she doesn't retract. Even though Madi has grown more affectionate over the years, she always stayed somewhat reserved - vigilant even - when it comes to strangers. Yet Lexa's touch doesn't seem to disturb her. On the contrary, it seems to calm her down.

Their eyes meet again.

"You think you're not allowed to be scared?" Lexa quietly asks her. "Because you're the Commander?"

Madi blinks. "Were you ever?"

" _All_  the time!" Lexa exclaims, throwing her head back dramatically.

"But you're a warrior?! You fought guys twice your size!"

The corner of Lexa's lips twists into that well-known, subtle smile of hers.

"Oh, I wasn't scared of them. I was scared of the responsibility. Of failing my people. Of losing the people I cared about, and with that in caring at all. Feelings are scary. They make you vulnerable." She looks up at me, her smile still lingering on her face, warming my heart as it always does. "But they also tell you there are things worth fighting for."

Facing Madi again, she leans in to continue in a more secretive tone, "Also I had to run for a giant gorilla once. Don't tell anyone, but I came this close to shitting my pants right there!"

Despite my worries a smile sneaks on my face. Watching how Lexa makes Madi laugh, how she makes her feel better with such ease, it leaves me speechless. Lexa, on the other hand, knows exactly what to say.

"It's okay to be a little scared sometimes," she goes on, softly squeezing Madi's hand, "For others, or for yourself. But you know what? I don't think you need to be this time. I think you'll be okay."

"What makes you so sure?" I finally speak up. "When Raven told you about the recovery-"

"I guess I needed to see it with my own eyes," she cuts me off. She takes my hand with her free one, connecting us all, then looks at Madi again. "You know I've been around here for a while, right? That I'm... not just Lexa. I was born before the world as I knew it went down. I've seen it happening. I've seen people getting sick, before they turned. You don't look like them. You're ill, and you need help, but Clarke is right: you're not one of them."

"So what am I?" Madi asks.

Lexa raises her shoulders. "A miracle?"

I let go of Lexa's hand and take a seat right behind her on the table, my arms wrapped around her and my chin lightly resting on her shoulder. "That we already knew," I can't help but smile.

"And what are they?" Madi goes on, eager for anything that Lexa can tell her.

"Who knows," Lexa shrugs again, "They go with many different names. We used to call them Infected. I heard people call them Biters and Roamers as well. These days we mostly go with Walkers."

"And they are dead? You're sure about that?"

Lexa stays quiet for a second, as if she needs to give it some thought. Which surprises me, since I thought this was pretty clear.

"We have to believe that they are," she nods after all, "To be able to deal with them, to... get rid of them without any emotion. Cause the thought that there  _might_ still be someone in there, held hostage by whatever is taking over..." She lets her voice drift off before starting up again. "I mean, yeah, they are most probably dead."

"You're saying there's no scientific proof?" I ask, cocking my head so I can see her.

"Not that I know of," she answers, turning slightly towards me. "But it's a big world. With way more people around than on our former planet. At least before the infection hit. So far I've never heard anything about research though, let alone about a cure."

Madi coughs and shifts in her seat, drawing our attention again. "Abby started to look into it," she says, "She wants to know what we're dealing with. Her hypothesis was either a virus or a bacterium. But then she cut Brell's brain out and put it under a microscope, and after that she didn't know what to think anymore."

I raise my brows. "What did she see?"

"I don't know exactly, she didn't show me. She just told me it looked like something was starting to grow, from inside the brain."

"Like a fungus?" Lexa questions.

Madi looks pensive. "No, I don't think so. It sounded more like some kind of roots. Clarke, remember when we cut off those branches and put them in water, back home in Shallow Valley? To grow more plants? After a week or so we could see all those thin, white threads through the glass. Abby's description reminded me of that, although the outgrowth sounded way shorter."

"Might look different on someone who turned ages ago," Lexa remarks.

"That's what Abby thinks, and why she wants to find one of those. Which shouldn't be too hard," Madi nods. "I know it's not on top of her list though. That spot is for me."

"As it should be," I tell her while standing up. We've waited long enough, and although I can tell how seeing us is giving her a boost for this moment, it's also very clear to me that she's becoming more pale every minute.

I turn around to look at Niylah, who's been waiting patiently by the door since we got here. Some might think it's because she's taking care of Madi. Some might think it's because she's my friend. But I know that, despite her promise, she's there waiting for instructions, maybe even orders, from Lexa.

"Can you get Abby and Jackson, please?" I ask her, "We're ready for the blood transfusion."

Niylah just nods and leaves us alone without further questions. Madi's voice behind me makes me quickly turn back.

"Will this give us any answers?" she questions out loud. "About me, and why I'm... different?"

I put my hand on her hair, stroking it gently. "I don't know, honey. And right now, I honestly don't care. I just want you to get better."

Lexa jumps up as well, but instead of staying with us she starts pacing around the room. Her mind seems elsewhere.

"Everything okay?" I warily check, suddenly afraid she changed her mind about Madi's condition.

She comes to a stop, but doesn't look up, as she's still distracted by whatever is going on in her head. "Y-Yeah," she murmurs. "I'm just thinking about the science. Not the pathology part Abby is doing, and who knows who else is, but..."

Her gaze moves to Madi.

"If the answer is with you, if the Flame  _does_  have anything to do with you, and the fact that you're the exception, then we're talking science beyond their knowledge. Abby can try all she wants, but she won't be able to crack those codes. Raven might understand some of it, but only if someone explains it to her first. Someone who actually-"

"-designed it," Madi nods, comprehending.

I look from one to the other. "Am I wrong or are we suddenly talking about Becca?"

Lexa starts moving again, stepping closer to me and taking me by my shoulders. "Don't you see? Becca might be the answer to this whole thing!"

"That would be a first," I groan. "Also, she died, remember?"

"I do," Lexa nods, her eyes piercing into mine, and her fingers clenching around my shoulders, "But she didn't _just_ die. She died a Nightblood."

I narrow my eyes. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying she might be out there. I'm saying that if the transfusion works, if either the Flame or the blood really seem to make a difference, then Becca might be the key. And we should look for her."

... ...


End file.
